A
male
age
30-35,
*erugrim762
writes:I'm currently in a relationship with my boyfriend (19) and we've been together for just over six months. He has recently started a job in sales and leaves at 6am and gets home at 8pm (we don't live together). He has become increasingly depressed over the last few months and constantly says that i'm the only reason he's still living. He's upset because he hasn't got any friends he can trust, not earning enough money, living with an abusive dad, he's not attractive enough (so he thinks, but i think he's gorgeous) and he has also become completely obsessed with his appearance.Its just that his depression is really starting to drag me down and i don't feel the same as i once did. Spending an evening with him has become more draining than three consecutive days of exam study. I'd really like some suggestions of how i can deal with this, please
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male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (5 June 2009):
 Yeah. Everyone is more than attractive, does not have abusive parents, works little hours and earns a lot of money, and has thousands of friends who can't wait to show their true, endless appreciation.
A
male
reader, Herugrim762 +, writes (5 June 2009):
Herugrim762 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhey uniquescreenname, thanks for your advice, it really does sound helpful and insightful. Danielepew, thank you for your insight into life where you come from, however i don't think my boyfriend has a good sense of perspective and can see that he has life a lot better than many of the people you described.
He lives with his physically-abusive father and no-one else. His father beats him for the most minor things, refuses to buy him food, steals his mail and food that he buys himself and won't lend him money when he needs it (i.e. for the train fare to get to work). So he's working long hours, getting just enough money to eat and get the train, nothing more, no chance of moving out, getting a car, and he simply refuses monetary assistance from me,
he doesn't want to accept help, he's just too proud, but i wish i could help him see, its ok to admit that you can't do everything by yourself
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A
male
reader, Herugrim762 +, writes (5 June 2009):
Herugrim762 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhi, just for the record, we are a gay male couple, thanks =]
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2009): She did mention in her statement that her boyfriend has an abusive dad. I don't think the reason for the depression is that he works all day unless I completely missed something.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (5 June 2009):
I forgot to mention that they dress in rags. No school, and no perspectives for the future. Would anyone consider becoming depressed in this situation?
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A
male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (5 June 2009):
I do understand depression. I have sunk in depression before. Because of that, I believe that counselling is not the only way to overcome depression. And there are a few things that, in my way of seeing things, are just not enough to become depressed. Working the whole day is not one of them.
I have run into many street kids in this country who have abusive parents, work all day in traffic lights (selling whatever stuff they can get), are sometimes raped, have to do for a living in what you can very correctly describe as survival of the fittest, and do not necessarily have a three meals a day. Many of them sleep in the street at night. They are not depressed; they don't have the time to.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2009): No offense to Danielepew but he clearly doesn't understand depression. You need to get your boyfriend to see the doctor ASAP. It could be that he's depressed because he doesn't enjoy his job but whatever the reason it can't go untreated because often it gets worse & worse. Medication isn't always the answer but it can help people get through a bad period in their life if the depression is only a short-term problem. Counselling is also an option (but it can be hard to find a good psychiatrist/psychologist). However it sounds like he has some unresolved issues so it might be a more complex case. I'm guessing very few people on this site are actually doctors so I think it's best to consult the professionals on this one (although I commend you for taking action - it shows you care a lot about him!). Good luck.
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A
male
reader, Herugrim762 +, writes (4 June 2009):
Herugrim762 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwell he didn't do well in school and has not had any tertiary education and doesn't have any formal qualifications. he is doing a job in sales that requires ridiculous hours and is only commission based, meaning that if he doesn't make a sale, he earns nothing....
I don't know how to help him because i can't empathise with him and also he seems determined to rebut every single option i give him
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A
male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (4 June 2009):
Your boyfriend's situation is common to many people, yet not all get that pessimistic about it. Many young people usually have to work very, very hard when they are beginning their adult lives. I honestly don't see why he should get depressed.
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