A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Please can you you help me out with a really difficult situation. I have a friend that i have been inn love with from school since I was 14yrs. He now works for me a a manager in a domestic care business. We work together closely on our own 40 hours a week or more. He lives with his girlfriend. He stayed over at my house two nights ago. we have had intimacy two years ago. He got drunk when he stayed over and said that he would get his stuff and move in with me tomorrow, but he has an issue that I would leave him for someone else in the future.I said I loved him and that once I am committed to a man that is it-him and no-one else. he said his ex wife said that to him and she went off with somenone else. He said he is confused .we kissed , but unfortunately got disturbed by kids.
View related questions:
drunk, ex-wife, his ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you ALL for your help
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (25 March 2012):
 I think he's found the perfect excuse for keeping his cake and eating it too. He'll stay put with his girlfriend and will come to you for occasional rolls in the hay - and if you object , he'll turn the blame on you , " he can't be sure you won't leave him for someone else ".
Transparent keep-cake-and-eat-it technique. But even IF he were in good faith, honestly confused... there are no etched in granite guarantees in life , and in love even more. There aren't any totally safe bets. Everybody could at some point leave you, hurt you, betray you. People change, feelings change, circumstances change. If you care about the person, you accept the risk , if you don't care... you stay safely " confused " for as long as it suits you.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your response,but Ciar,surely, in this case 'confused' means that he doesn't know whether to move in with me or stay with his girlfriend.And the fact that it makes me look untrustworthy ,surely not, as he chased me and he has a girlfriend at home.I have not been trying to lure him at all.He knows that I have been on lots of dates as we have been friends for a long time and we told each other everything.He has rented out his house and has kids staying at his girlfriends ,so its the situation ,and the fact that i am going on other dates.Why shouldn't I? He has got a girlfriend?
...............................
A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (25 March 2012):
 Unless we're talking about advanced calculus or the tax code, 'I'm confused' usually means 'I don't want to tell you what I really want because it might hurt or anger you.'
He may like you, but obviously not enough to leave his girlfriend and whatever comforts he has there. And even if he was ready to leave her, he should have some time on his own to regroup before plunging into a new relationship.
He's already spoken for and you trying to lure him away from someone else does not make you look trustworthy. Your fidelity is not what's holding him back. He isn't ready and may never be. He's certainly not available now.
Let him go. Who knows what the future holds. If he ever does come around it's better that he be free and clear, with no 'ex' baggage.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2012): But 9 times out of 10 , truth comes out when your drunk-deep seated feelings are revealed. Why then do people need a few drinks inside them to be able to talk about their feelings? The fact that he stayed over night was tempting fate. I can walk away from this bloke but the fact that he doesnt like me being with anyone else, puts me in a very awkward position
...............................
A
female
reader, jhamilton  +, writes (24 March 2012):
That's a hard situation. Those feelings for one another will never leave. But you have to remember that he was drunk. Haven't you ever been drunk and woke up the next morning and look through your texts and been like WTF?! Things are said when people are drunk, but I do believe that he has some sort of feelings for you. Good luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (24 March 2012):
 He is in a committed relationship. He said things when he was drunk, so him saying he wants to move in with you should be discredited. There is no sense to convince him when he is doing the thing that he doesn't want you doing.
...............................
|
