A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I am 25 years old and have been in a relationship for 5 years. We've know each other for seven years and now we are engaged.The problem he is very possessive and now becomes a lot more then before. I used to share things about my male friends but he never liked it much so I stopped telling him and started hiding. Then one day on my birthday that was in March one male friend of mine who was actually a gym instructor messaged me "happy birthday sweet doll" and my fiancee reacted so badly that he hit me and abused me and is blaming me that I am not a virgin and I lost my virginity with the gym man and till now he doesn't believe me. I am trying my best to convince me. Me and my fiance are physically close also. We used to do oral sex and only tried to have intercourse but this year after all has happened we again did and he said you have no seal. I am really concerned as I don't want to lose him because I am innocent and don't share any physical relations. I don't know what to do. Our marriage date is near and our families are happy but how do I convince my fiance that I am a virgin and lost it with him only. I love him a lot and can't imagine my life without him. I have given everything to him now I can't even think of anyone else. I am really disturbed and only cries since march. please help.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2008): thanks for your responses
A
female
reader, Oblivia  +, writes (2 November 2008):
 I agree that you must think about your own safety first. This man seems like very dangerous to your health.
I think you should tell your parents, hopefully they can help you and give you support to do what you feel is best for you. If your parents understand and support you it may not be such a big stigma of calling the wedding off?
I would also say not to have any more intimacy with your fiancee until you have sorted this. If you want to break this off, you don't want to have to answer to a new man about your sexlife with your then ex-fiancee.
Be smart and survive, it is not worth it to be beaten up and perhaps killed over this.
Best of lucks to you, and keep us updated.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2008): If he has hit you before marriage he is definitely going to hit you later as well. If he is possessive and jealous your life is going to get more miserable in the future. I understand virginity is a big deal in India. Tell him you are calling off the wedding. You think you love him but you are more scared of the consequences if the marriage is called off. If India is more accepting towards broken engagements would you be hesitating to call off your marriage with this jackass? Remember the society is not going to do anything if he ends up killing you in his jealousy and rage. Believe in yourself. Call off the wedding at once. It's better to remain unmarried for life than to be in hell married to this guy. Indian men are very suspicious of other men calling their girls sweet names. I am not saying it's right but the gym guy seems to be flirting with you. He may want some action later. Don't trust anyone.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (2 November 2008):
Do not marry a man who will hit you.
This man will not make a good husband and your family would not be happy for you if they knew their daughter was to be bound to a man like this.
Tell them what he is really like.
Good Luck!! xx
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