A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My husband and I have a problem. He isn't in touch with his parents, doesnt even want to call them. This all started when we moved in together, and escalated when he didnt call them to say that we got married (it was a small, impromptu wedding). It's slowly driving me nuts, because I'm close to my parents even if they aren't perfect. I feel like I'm the cause (well, I know I'm the cause) of this struggle between them. I'm not a bad person, but this makes me feel like I am! :( And I can't stand this fight. We get along perfectly in every other area, we never fight unless it's about his family. Bottom line is: how can I convince him that he should call his parents? They haven't spoken in months. I just want him to call them, to say that this is how he's feeling, so they realize that he's been out of touch because he's hurt by their actions, and not because he hates them.He won't give me their phone number or email address to get in touch with them; he says it'll just make things worse. PLEASE help!
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male
reader, ArmyMedic  +, writes (2 May 2009):
 His parents, his issues. Just because you are a Mummy's girl doesn't mean he has to be!
Give the poor guy a break, if this is the only thing that causes trouble in your relationship why are you pushing it?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2009): I'm the original poster, thanks for all the advice.
He and his parents got into a huge fight, over me, which kind of started it all. They've had a rocky relationship so far, it's a really long story. This fight was just one too many I guess.
I talked to him, and told him it was none of my business and I shouldn't be pushing him. He seemed grateful that I backed off, and said that it WAS my business, but he just couldn't bend that much. His reasoning is that he's tried to contact them and they brushed him off, so the ball is in their court. Im just afraid that this will go on too long, and I want my kids to be in touch with both sets of grandparents!
But you are all right, thanks for the perspective. It's his choice, and if I keep pushing, I'll only lose him too... and I love him too much for that.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (2 May 2009):
You don't say anything about WHY he is so angry with them, except that you think it might be your fault some how.
Don't you think he might have a very good reason not to speak to them?
Unfortunately, not everyone is close to their parents. It's not the law that just because you are, he has to be.
It's his choice and his life. You don't mention that they are calling him wondering why he's not in touch. Why does it have to be him making the effort just so you think he's normal?
Leave him alone and respect that he can make his own decisions.
Good Luck!! xx
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