A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Me and my boyfriend live together and he impulsively threw away our king size bed where we could fit with our children. We can't afford a new bed and ended up sleeping in a single bed which is very uncomfortable. The kids still get in at night and I end up pressed up against the wall which is where he makes me sleep. I never get the other side because he knows how frustrating it is to be in my position. We are small, I am thin but he got fat and I just can't even sleep anymore, which has affected our relationship terribly, since I sleep better when he wakes up and I just suffer through the night (I'm writing this at 4am, lol). Then he gets mad at me for sleeping in. Mad to the point where he scares me and I cry every day. I just feel so sad and not appreciated. The thing is we have another twin bed which was in his room in his parents house, but my mother in law being the snake that she is didn't want to give it back and went as far as giving his room to his annoying cousin who is a single female and sleeps alone in the huge bed while this is going on in my house. I mean, she wants us to separate, because she enjoys every second of ths humilliation. When I told her she said that the girl has her own stuff. Behind ny back she told him no way the bed is not yours anymore (he paid for it that's what he said) . I've begged him, every conversation we have he says it's impossible to get the bed back even though she has her own. I could go to my parents house and say I can't deal with this anymore and I'll be back when I have a bed, or I'm planning to just go there and get the bed back. The house is in the same complex so I can just go there with help but I am asking is it a good idea to proceed while my father in law is getting surgery (he's getting heart surgery) and nobody can say anything to him because he'll be asleep far away. He's the one who "approves" things. She always acts in order to upset him, so he snaps at us, and could even make him kick us out from his property. So when he'll be absent, it is the best way to do this. I just don't want any drama. *I know the cousin will get upset but she well deserves this for being mean (long story) I've slept like this for a year now. Do you think it's a bad idea? What other solution can we come up with? My back thanks you for your advice, dear aunts.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2021): Typo correction:
"He even [threw-out] a larger bed you had, without even discussing it with you."
P.S.
Your in-laws really aren't at fault in any of this. They've provided you with a place to live. They may be trying to remain neutral; and stay out of your business.
Depriving you of sleep and scaring you is definitely abuse. You have to see that for what it is.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2021): Save-up and buy yourself a bed; or ask your own parents, or closest family-members, to help you out. Ask around for a bed-frame nobody's using. Get your own mattress, don't mess with used mattresses. It's unsanitary!
Leave the cousin alone! Can you afford to make an enemy in your current situation?
You can't deal with his family; so you have little choice, but to ask your own family to help you get yourself a larger bed.
He's not your husband; yet he's calling all the shots. You don't have any say in anything that happens to you. Seems to me he's trying to send you a message.
Leaving him is the best option. First get your ducks in a row to collect child-support. Seems that may be the likely outcome. Whether you're ready to do it now, or forced to in the near future.
If he's consistently making your life miserable; it's seems almost as though he's deliberately trying to make your life a living hell. Maybe he's hoping you'll leave on your own accord. He won't just leave you, because his parents own the property. Seemingly, you're clinging to him like lint; and maybe he can't figure-out how to get-away from you.
The way you're describing it, you're living in an abusive household. I suspect a few answers you'll get will be advising you to leave him. You can't seem to get him to cooperate, and you can't deal with his family. Lack of sleep will ruin your overall physical-health; and it also affects your mental-health.
You surely can't change him; when you can't even get him to buy a larger bed for the two of you. He even throughout a larger bed you had, without even discussing it with you. Unless the mattress was ruined, too old, and had to go anyway.
The kids need to be taught to sleep in their own beds. Maybe that's the message he's trying to convey to YOU! It's that, or he's purposely crowding you out.
Had enough yet?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (19 October 2021):
 Save up for a bigger bed. The headboard/footboard is less important, but a GOOD mattress with the RIGHT size and a good frame is important.
Not much else to do is there? This is not his mother's fault. Even if she is enjoying the drama?
If you live with your inlaws maybe it's time to figure out what it will take to move out and be on your own in your OWN home.
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