A
male
age
36-40,
*thansD4d
writes:My Fiance and I have been together for 4.5 years. We are both 22 and have a 22 month old boy together. We just purchased a house (under my name, since she wasn't working at the time) and all seemed to be going alright. However, the past month or so has been rocky. She's upset with me often, can be very short at times. The worst part is that she has literally no interest in me. No "I love you"'s, hugs, kisses, you get the picture. We both work full time, I work nights (12 hour shifts, three days a week) and she works 4-6 days during the daytime.It's frustrating, I know, that we both work often, and do not get to see each other much. But tonight we had a talk, and she said that she feels that we have drifted apart. She also said that she no longer loves me and is only staying here because of our son. She also said that she doesn't want to try anymore and cannot figure out why this is all such a big deal to me. My heart is broken right now. I don't want her to leave, but I do not want to see her unhappy. I've done as much as I can as far as taking care of the house and our son, but apparently it is not enough. She also feels that she is trapped, though she cannot give any reason or examples as to why. I, in no way, am controlling or abusive or any of that (for the record). Her apathy is killing me. I just want the three of us to be a happy family, but she doesn't think things will work, so she is giving up. She outright refused couples counciling.What can I do?How can I show her that i really care?How can I convince her that things will work out?I feel as though I am at a cross roads, but am only able to go one way. I want our son to grow up in a happy home with mom and dad. No matter what I know that we will both be there for our son, since he is the world to us. But I want to be happy too.
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female
reader, Angzw  +, writes (3 March 2010):
Sometimes when you fight too hard for someone you love, they pull away more. So stop all the pleading and begging immediately. Sit her down again and say that you have thought about what she said. Then agree with her that you both might do with some space from each other. And indeed, if you treat her as well as you say you do, then some time from her will give her space to work through her issues. Agree with her that after a month you will review your decision again. During that month be supportive of the baby. But don't try to make any romantic moves on her. Just be civil and don't offer any affection. Even if she tries to seduce you don't go for it. Just see to the child. Be kind to her making sure bills are paid and groceries are supplied and that's it. No calls at midnight begging for her. I'm not saying this will guarantee that she will want you back, but it gives you a better chance than the begging approach.
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