A
male
age
41-50,
*ymets
writes:Dear Cupid,I recently broke up with my girlfriend of four years. We broke up because I was emailing with another girl (there was no physical cheating). I have also done this once before, which caused us our first break up, but after a month of not talking, she decided that she still wanted to be with me.Is there anyway to convince her that I truly understand the severity of my actions this time around?? The first time, I kinda just brushed it off and when she told me she still wanted to be with me, I said I'd change - but I said that so she wouldn't leave obviously, not because I actually wanted to change.This time I really want to change. I want to treat her like the princess she is and give her everything she deserves. I want another chance to show her how perfect I can be and that I really will do anything to be with her.She says that she's done giving me more chances and that she just wants to move on. We still have talked randomly, and she's told "I still talk to you because I know your upset", which kind of shows me she still cares.Is there anyway I can convince her? Any help/advice will be greatly appreciated as I'm pulling my hair out trying to think of what I can do...Thanks
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2008): Hi Hunny
I can see you want to change, You have learned by this, As we all make mistooks and we all learn. not a one of us is perfect love...As you say she may go on to find someone else and find it hard to trust as many of us have to do as that is part of the lifes learning prosess as well, So even though we think in life that sometimes we are going round in circles we are not we are breaking the circle by learning and growing into better people..good luck hunny TAKE CARE LOVE MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXX
A
male
reader, nymets +, writes (15 April 2008):
nymets is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi Gothish,
Thanks for the reply. I'm not fully convinced ;) She has said that she still keeps in contact because she doesnt want me to be this upset, which shows that she still cares about me, even after I broke her heart. But, she's also told me that shes not giving me any more chances, that I should try to move on and give her her space. I don't want to move on, because I know that I can change my ways and be a good person to her. But, I also don't want to keep annoying her telling her how I will change.
This was the only thing that was wrong with our relationship. Everything else you could say was 'perfect'. I can't seem to understand why she wouldn't want to work it out... why would she rather move on and find somebody new? (Who's she's probably not going to trust in the beginning anyways because of me!) Is she taking the easy way out? Or, are some people just not that forgiving?
Thanks.
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A
male
reader, nymets +, writes (15 April 2008):
nymets is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi Mandy,Thanks for the reply. I'm not looking for answers to make me feel better, and you can say whatever you want, it won't hurt ;) I thank you for your honesty. I was just curious if there was anything I can do to show that I'm really serious about changing my ways this time apart from what I have already said. I think this has to do with my own mental picture of myself (ex: I think I was doing this to inflate my ego) and that's why it's hard for me because deep down I know I'm a good person who made a few mistakes but is ready to change... if not for her, then for the next girl.Thanks.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2008): Hi Hunny
I dont no what I can say to make you feel better hunny, This time she may have just had enough. You openly say that last time you didnt take her really seriously and just carried on and kept her sweet shall we say, You had the chance then to show you cared it was a HUGE! red flag e-mailing other girls does not show you are serious in a relationship at all, And I take it these girls were not just friends of yours more of an attraction..So it may not be cheating but its disloyal and very hurtfull but she gave you that second chance love and you blew it..And now hunny you are reaping what you have sown...Im sorry to be blunt as I dont wish to hurt you, And she is still speaking to you as she does not wish to hurt you as she is a good kind person, You can try and turn over a new leaf but the trust has been broken very much so, And if there is no trust then there is nothing to feel happy and content with...I hope you do find a way to make her understand why you needed to do this as she will be thinking she isnt good enough and probably just wants to run for the hills, Apart from saying you are truely sorry and you will never do it again that is all you can do, but that has already been said once so hunny just try your hardest to proove to her that this time you are serious. TAKE CARE OF YOU WITH LOVE MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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A
female
reader, gothish  +, writes (15 April 2008):
well if you are so convinced that she cares, then you need to prove that you care for her to trust you again. for quite alot of girls, trust can be hard, you should try showing her that you understand how you hurt her and what was wrong with what you did. try, not starting from where you were when you broke up, but going back to the beginning of the relationship, starting again. remind her why she liked you in the first place. you know, do all the romantic kind of stuff, making her feel specail, slowly6 but surely, she will fall in love all over again. but you have to be careful not to hurt her again, because it would destroy your relationship.
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