A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm a late-teenage guy currently studying for a degree. I have never been in a relationship before.This girl in my subject first sat next to me a few days ago. She was pretty and friendly, but I didn't know her name.As she was talking to someone near me, she shifted up closer to me and placed her leg into contact with mine. She was also very close to my face as she talked. I felt a little shy and so I carefully moved my leg away just slightly - she moved over again and went back into contact with me.I was pretty surprised, but I talked to her and we got on well. We went seperate ways afterwards.In my most recent encounter with her, I took the initiative - I greeted her and she came over to me. We talked a little more and I found out her name. I was wondering if she was flirting with me before, or if I was just imagining it.Then again she made contact with my leg, and most tellingly (I think, anyway!) she stood up while speaking to someone else, and leant over me very intimately for a long while as she did. I think the other person noticed this a little too.I guess my questions are:1. IS she flirting with me? Stupid question maybe, but I don't have the experience to definitively know.I've tried to observe the way she behaves around others. So far I've noticed that she smiles a lot, but I haven't seen her touching other guys or leaning towards them.Even so I've not known her long, I'm just assuming she's single for example.2. How can I control where things go?I feel like I am at her mercy a little. I definitely like her, but I feel that I want to get to know her better before being so physical.The contact is definitely nice and I'm not complaining, but I don't want to rush ahead into things far too quickly.3. Any suggestions for how to start things out?I was thinking of asking her out for a coffee over work, or maybe to see a movie. Are these good ideas or a bit too cliched?Thank you for any help in advance :)
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male
reader, evildrspock +, writes (6 November 2010):
 1) I'd say yes. Take a leap of faith on this one and see she's showing definite interest in you.
If you want something to happen, at least show interest back, though only in a way you're comfortable with. (I mean, if you don't want to casually touch your leg to hers or something, which I personally wouldn't, at least chat with her and make an effort to get to know her)
2) How to control where things go? ... well, I'd say you can't in the end, though you can control where they won't go, which sounds more like what you're worried about. If things are going somewhere you wouldn't be comfortable with, just let her know your boundaries, kindly and simply, you want things to go a little slower, and if she's worth your time, she'll understand.
3) Put it in perspective. She's just a girl going to college, like you. Clearly, showing some interest, probably not just of a friends type nature due to her physical contact with you. Just ask her if she wants to hang out sometime. I'd say that a structured, formal activity like coffee at a coffee shop or a movie works good for a situation like this because it gives you both an activity to occupy yourselves with while you're both getting to know each other better, and feel more comfortable.
I'd suggest something maybe a little less cliche, like going somewhere fun together, like a park for a walk, or a zoo, or an art gallery, or some event that's happening, like a concert or a festival. Just play it by ear and choose something that makes sense. Go visit somewhere fun, a shared interest.
Oh yeah, & good luck. :)
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