A
male
age
30-35,
*adguy7
writes:Hey all.I'm 23 years old, and I've been sabotaging my life and I want to make it stop.My current ex girlfriend is the love of my life and of that I am absolutely certain. In every aspect of life she is perfect for me. Attraction, mental, financial, and of course love.My problem is that I have hurt her many times, we have split up several times over the past 5 years and I'm afraid the last time really was the last time.The trend seems to be that I will have her, love her, and then take her for granted and split up with her. It's extremely difficult to logically explain why I would hurt the person I know I am dated to live and die with. I question my own sanity because of it!When I hurt her the last time I really went too far. I let myself become emotionally attracted to another woman and lose feelings for my now ex girlfriend. (I emotionally cheated)I feel so overtaken with guilt that I've not left my house except for work in nearly a month, and of course I broke off contact with the other girl.How can I continue to hurt the most important person in my life? When I broke her heart, I destroyed my home.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2015): i think you answered your question yourself..you are moving on to a new future and would have little time for her so subliminally you took steps to initiate a break up. it doesnt pay to be angry or frustrated with yourself as it was a natural progression of your life.It is sad but then again it is the way it was going to be anyway and you can set about your new life with a clean slate emotionally.This will allow you to throw yourself wholeheartedly into the job and you can be the hero you need to be. 23 isnt really that old in the greater scheme of things and you will meet new people ,make new friends and travel.
A
male
reader, sadguy7 +, writes (12 July 2015):
sadguy7 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'm going to give you all some more information, first off thank you all for your insight.
I will be joining the air force in a few months and I feel that this will certainly help me become a better person. I want to be a better person for her, and for myself. Obviously while I'm gone (6 years) she will have time to move on and experience life. I only want the best for her, and if that means I can't be a part of her life then so be it.
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A
male
reader, sadguy7 +, writes (11 July 2015):
sadguy7 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI know I need to better myself. Thanks everyone.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2015): You can only improve yourself.
The other thing is done.
But you NEED to get better. When I read your query I had a weird feeling of "imposter" syndrome. Normally happens in work situations, but is when things are good and people feel they don't deserve what they've got in life (i.e promotion, great bf, great place to live) so they feel that:
a) they are living a different life and is not really them that is this successful etc. It just can't be etc. etc.
B) sometimes do things to actively destroy a perfect situation coz it "just can't be true", "is too good to be true" etc.
Let her heal and move on. Find out the root of your issue and solve it.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (11 July 2015):
 "Sounds" to me like either of you could have written this submittal.... BUT your guilt got to YOU before she became sufficiently fed up with you to write and submit it....
Why don't the two of you go your separate ways? .... and if fate brings you back together, sometime in the future, maybe you (and she) can make things work... As of now, they're not (working).....
Good luck....
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2015): I'll leave you with this thought. I may not know you, but she does. Who's writing a post about love lost? Why are you wondering if she is gone for good? If she read my post, I have a good feeling she would agree with everything I've said, and have more to add to it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2015):
All that wise owl said; with cream on top.
Leave the poor girl be .. grow up some and maybe one day when your mature enough your paths may cross again and you can have her back .. but until then . Just leave her be .
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A
male
reader, sadguy7 +, writes (11 July 2015):
sadguy7 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'm not sure what exactly makes you think you know my story well enough to say all of those horrible things about me. I didn't get caught cheating, I was man enough to tell her I was starting to have feelings for another woman.
Having a girlfriend is a habit? Not for me, I'd rather skip the hassle of girls altogether (and I'd be perfectly fine with that) but this girl is worth it.
You call me immature but you don't have any idea what my life is like or what the two of us have been through together. The only thing I can truly agree with you on is that she deserves better.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2015): You fancied someone else and went off your partner and broke up again.So youre still wondering why you hurt her...you did it because you only want what youcant have.I suspectyoy went one step further and kissed or bedded the other girl but you are on an exercise of damage limitation now.Why should this girl hold any kind of comittment to you..you embarrassed her and made her feel down and you want to score another own goal.Learnibg to be,honest when your there to catch the ladies eye is difficult but i think your wingman may have just discovered that she is fine on her own.If you really want to have and to hold her get down on one knee and ask her to marry you with all the love in your heart but if she is just a prop then leave her alone and let this girl discover her true potential.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2015): The best thing you can do is move on. You're too immature to carry-on a long-term committed relationship. Having a girlfriend is a habit; so you were/are accustomed to having one, but you don't value the person who has committed themselves too you.
It was time to move on and date other people anyway. You got comfortable having someone to make you feel needed and valued, while you sowed your wild oats. You say all that nice stuff about her, yet you were unfaithful and hurt her. Cheaters always have remorse after they get caught. They only value the love they had after the fact. You figured she'd just forgive you and take you back. The jokes on you this time.
Leave her alone and get over her. She doesn't deserve what you've put her through and taking you back would be stupid on her part. Yes...freaking stupid!!! Why would you let the same person break your heart over and over? Only giving a sh*t when they realize you have the strength to finally kick them to the curb. Hopefully you've learned a valuable lesson. However; guys who cheat rarely do. They just find another sucker to use and put through the same old shit.
Take time-off from trying to pretend you're boyfriend material; because you're not. You need time to mature and stew in the mess you've made with her. So you can feel the same grief and loss you've put her through. It's good what you're going through. Not that it will necessarily change you. Typical of many guys who cheat, your ego is bothering you. Worrying that she might find someone better. Hopefully she will, to make up for this mess.
Date and just see different women until you find someone you care enough about that you will earn her trust and keep it. Learn how not to think with your dick. Stop perpetuating the stereotypes that men can't be faithful to one person, can't control where we stick our dicks. It's time to man-up and prove to men can actually love and be committed to one person at a time. Another thing, five years is too long to be in a relationship and never take it to another level. That's one of the reasons you cheat. You just held on to her like a possession, like a good pair of sneakers. Just because they feel good. Time to grow-up.
If you can't see things changing within 2-3 years, move on and stop stealing precious time from women who love you. If you can hold on to the same female for five years, then you should consider putting a ring on her finger and going on to the next step. Five years is a prison sentence, when you're giving them to a man who'll cheat on you.
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