A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:How and When can I confess my feeling towards my cousin?She is my third cousin to be exact... but i think the word "cousin" have corrupted it all.Here's a detail background on how we've met.In 2004, around the beginning of the fourth and last season of the year, my uncle from Chicago flew to California because he was invited by an extended family for a holiday gathering hosted by my grandmother's sister. He, my uncle, had manage to convince me to come along to represent our family line. I especially feel uncomfortable with these kind of parties due to: (1) tends to populate older crowds that limits my reference point, (2) a room-full of unknown family members -- might as well be labeled "strangers", (3) can be painstakingly dull because there is really nothing there to do other than eat and wait. So in order to minimize the awkwardness that may occur the entire night, I chose to seclude myself in a quite corner.Despite my effort on attaining a solitaire, my uncle did his best to put me on a socializing state: eating on the round table with the rest of the invitees and host, forced me to sing karaoke after, and briefly meet and converse with people I probably won't even remember.This is how I met my cousin, however.If I could describe my first meeting with her, it would had to be a "Bizarre/Weird" impression. She was more, or equally as, timid as I was when we were introduced. She was wearing a dark, fit, long-sleeved hooded-sweater jacket which struck to me as odd, since it was a holiday party. I could hardly print her face in my mind; not only because she had a goth hairstyle that covers half of her eyes but also the hallway we intersected in reflects the dimmest light from the corridor that only expose the silhouette of her figure. Surprisingly, even on such a brief meeting, I learned that we live in the same city! A few more small talks from my uncle and her sister, other than that, that's all what I've got out of it and we never met again.Two years later, I graduated high school and went out of country for a vacation. During my travel, a friend of mind urge me to return home as he had met a girl I might fancy, since we share the same taste. When I returned after my long vacation expired, my friend showed me a portrait of "this girl" he couldn't stop talking about. For some reason, in less than an minute, I conclude, with all my mental process, that she was the cousin I've met two years ago! My friend was ever doubtful that he made me chat with her online. After a few verification, trail of questions were solve, as if, every pieces of jigsaw puzzle were put together.After chains of exchanged messages, my cousin and I finally decided to hang out. And so, I picked her up. She was changed then... no longer the goth-looking girl I once met. We had a lovely chat -- mainly getting to know each other, took pictures and ate out. She was cuter than what I expected, or maybe because the sunlight touches her face exposing her natural beauty as oppose to our first meeting a couple years back -- either way, as we were parting ways, I suddenly felt something towards her. It was unbelievably exponential! -- in less than two hours, I was convince that I like her.I couldn't believe it. I thought that this is just a phase I'm going through, so I tried ignoring it -- hoping that this will just fade away like afternoon clouds in the sky. But instead, it turned into a winter cloud that thunderstruck me, as if, Cupid's arrow were shot straight from the heart -- I was smitten. My heart beats rhythmically as she prongs her hair behind her ears. Her voice became songs, laughters became music, gentle movements became elegant swan dance.Sadly, as the years go by, our days together became less and less possible because I became busy with my job as she is with her studies. Although we still keep in touch with available technologies, it's just not the same when she is not physically visible.A MORE RECENT TIMES:Sometimes I think she knows how I feel. She does confuse me a bit. Tell me secrets and other private stuff. She would tell me things like "workout cause I really like that/ I think it's hot" or "Hey, .... nevermind" or "Hey... oh nothing". And sometimes when we found ourselves in a dumbstuck situation, she would smile and I can sense that her eyes wants to know something, as if, tempting me to bite the apple.Just thinking about her in daydreams, reminisces and fantasies (in both oriented fashion) causes the chrysalises in my stomach to hatch butterflies and flutter uncontrollably. When we have plans to go out together, I get really excited.It's exhausting to endure such secret bottled up. I want to tell her but I'm frighten of the possibility of alienating her. And the thought of her exiting my life will devastate me.THIS SUMMER:Well, this summer we have been seeing each other quite frequently and I love to say that this have been the most enjoyable thing I ever had since forever (I can't recall I enjoying stuff very often). I wanted summer to last forever so I can keep her for myself. But sadly, everything in this world has an ending.. and this summer is no different. Its really depressing because I know my work and her studies will get in a way of us having little meetings. oh, I brought her to theme park one of this summer, she told me she had a blast and hopefully go to another one.With that being said, I think I fall even deeply in love with her with or without her here by my side.So please give me you best support and answer on how will I finally able to spill my heart for her.My only dilemma now is how can I tell her my unconditional feeling towards her? Will she understand? How will she react? Does she feel the same?
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cousin, goth, grandmother, her ex Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks you all for your quick, supportive, insightful responses. I have thought, read and outline many possibilities that could happen. There is a saying that goes: "anything's possible" I truly believe in that. But then therefore, as much as I am incline to the positive fork in the road, I can't stand and feel that any other possibilities are available, which also includes varies of negatives... Maybe I thinking way too much philosophy in here. All I'm really trying to say is that this is one pool I won't leap into without testing the water. Any more advice you ladies and gents may offer, feel free to send your thoughts - you have a freedom to.
A
male
reader, Linton +, writes (30 August 2011):
Can't give you any advice on approaching folks. But I can steer you to an article that relates to cousin marriages. According the the article, it's a good thing. At least if you want children and grandchildren. And third cousins is about Ideal. (When they graph kinship and fertilty they say, "third coudin or closer" or "fourth cousin or closer. Have way between there should be third cousin. Anyway, don't take my word for it. Spend a couple bucks and go to sciencemag.org It's the site for the American Association for the Advancement of Science, any you just don't get any more prestigeous. than that. The artilce is [An Association Between Kinship And Fertility of Human Couples. Agnar Helgason, Snaebjoern Palsson, Daniel F. Guobjartsson, Pordur Kristjansson and Karl Stefanson, SCIENCE vol 329 8 February 2008 page 813]
You man find it encouraging. Maybe SHE would find it encouraging, but that would be your decision again.
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A
male
reader, krit  +, writes (30 August 2011):
 Brother there an Auther hiding inside you. They way you descibe things is outstanding. Whatever job do , I wish you give a try to writing.
now coming to your deliema--
we can't control what we feel for someone but we can always control our actions so that those feeling don't take all good of us.
Be sensible you know that there's not an happy end to this story.
Carry on journey without thinking about the outcome. But getting too involved with her would help nethier you or her.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2011): Well, technically, 3rd cousins are not closely related at all. And in many states it is not an issue anymore. But it could be a big issue with your family. And it could be a big issue with her. That's the dilema here.
The only thing you can do to find out is be honest with her. Tell her you understand the awkwardness of it, but be truthful. Sometimes you have to take a risk.
Reactions:
1) Eeewww
2) I'm sorry I don't feel that way
3) Yes, I like you too
In reality, those are the three reactions you can always expect from any girl, regardless of the complexity of your situation.
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