A
female
age
41-50,
*W123
writes:I was on my way to a vacation and I met a really attractive guy on the plane. He was also going on vacation to the same place. We started talking and really hit it off. I normally don’t have trouble meeting guys but this guy was amazing. I couldn’t believe that he would even want to talk to me. Once our flight was over, he asked my for my number and hugged me goodbye. We decided to meet up at the beach the next day and I was amazed (again) that he still wanted to hang out after seeing me in my bikini. My body’s ok, but I’m definitely not a swimsuit model. We swam in the ocean and he kissed me. He tried to go farther but I stopped him so we just hung out and talked for awhile then went our separate ways. A few days later he asked me to come over to his place. It took a lot of convincing on his part but I thought, what the hell? We met up that night and it was very romantic, we ended up at his place and I had the best sex I’ve ever had. I tried to leave immediately afterwards but he wanted me to stay and we just laid together with his arms around me and I was in heaven… The next day we both had to leave and he sent a text saying that he wanted to see me again. I said I felt the same way. A few days later, he sent me a message asking when we’d see each other again. I sent back some flirtatious text and we started texting back and forth for awhile. We live a few hours apart so I decided that I would go to see him because I wasn’t comfortable with him coming to see me. So I offered to go see him a month later and he agreed and acted excited about it. He was ok with texting but one time I tried to call and got his voicemail. I didn’t hear back from him for over a week, he said he didn’t see the message. This put my off quite a bit, but I had already made all of my arrangements and decided to go through with the trip. I told him when I was coming and he said again and again that it was great, he would make time for me whenever I came, anytime was good. I arrived in the afternoon and he said he’d let me know when he was on his way so I just went and hung out with my friend. Then, finally around midnight, I got a few calls from him which I couldn’t immediately return. I called him back around 1am and he mentioned something about what he had been doing, I really didn’t care so I didn’t listen. I was pretty pissed off so I told him I was too tired and I didn’t end up seeing him at all.The next day, I was devastated and I felt like crap. I went home humiliated. I didn’t try to contact him again and I resumed dating other guys. I had been dating three other guys and talking to a few more. Of course, no one even came close to this guy and one by one I stopped seeing these other guys. Then I went on a Vegas trip with some friends and met a guy who was even hotter and had a one night stand, which is not something that I normally do I just wanted to forget about this guy. It didn’t work and I started to cry in the middle of the act… humiliated again. So I took a break from dating for awhile and everything was cool… until I heard from him again. Just a stupid “hello” text message. I replied and called him crazy. He wrote back after that but I ignored him. But still I couldn’t get him out of my head so two weeks later I just texted him and asked how he was doing. His reply was, “who is this?” At first I was offended but then I realized he had probably deleted my number after I was semi-rude to him the last time he tried to contact me. Once I told him who I was, he said of course he remembered me and that he felt bad about what happened. I wanted to move on so I changed the subject and we started having phone sex. I had never done that before. That was a month ago and I haven’t heard from him since.My questions are; should I just forget about him or should I try to keep in touch? I realize he’s not the nice guy I thought he was but I have literally dated 5 other guys, had sex with one and kissed another, since I met him and no one even comes close. I'm also embarrased about having phone sex... That was weird. I’ve also tried time… just hoping that I’ll eventually forget about him and it’s not happening fast enough. What did I do wrong? What can I change about myself so the next time I meet someone cool, I don’t get used? Did I give too much too soon?
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a break, flirt, move on, one night stand, phone sex, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, BW123 +, writes (24 August 2012):
BW123 is verified as being by the original poster of the question@Cerebrus: I'm already feeling better... Every time I think about him, I'll call myself a bunny boiler, haha. I have another question though. I don't ever want to get married or have another serious relationship and I can't handle casual sex so what else is there?
@Honeypie: I usually make the guys do all of the effort, at least since I broke up with my ex of four years 8 months ago. I also usually have no problem kicking them to the curb as soon as they do something rude. But you're right, I threw all of that out the window when I met this guy because he was so good looking and in doing so, I think I blew it. I'm sure that when the next hot guy comes along (after I take my man break), I'll remember to make them prove themselves first.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (24 August 2012):
 Slow down! That is my #1 advice.
You met a guy on a plane and a few days later you go to his place and have sex. Well, you sure put yourself out there to be used and possibly hurt (sorry to be blunt).
Take the time to get to KNOW a guy (and I DON'T mean through texting.. mean REALLY get to know a guy - as in... SPEND time together) Figure out BEFORE sex if he is looking for the same thing you are (FWB or a real relationship) Let the guy make an effort too. Seems to me that you are willing to do ALL the work, take ALL the risk... which tells me, the guy is not all that serious at all.
You jump into a guy like he is the LAST guy on Earth. Blindly and with both feet.
Just because a guy is good looking doesn't mean he is going to be a sweetheart. And it surely doesn't mean that you need to THROW yourself at him in gratitude for looking at you or wanting to hook up with you.
The fact that you let your imagination get away with you doesn't help you much either.
You come off as very desperate and needy. (sorry)
Slow down, girl.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2012): Ah well that explains a lot OP, if you'd told me you were on the rebound I probably would have been a lot less harsh hehe.
OP take some time for you. Whichever person said the best way to get over a recent breakup is to get back on the horse so to speak was a complete idiot. I honestly don't know where people, especially women, get this idea from.
The post breakup mix of horrible emotions can leave us very vulnerable to irrational behaviour and bad decisions and we're the ones who generally suffer the most from it, I've hurt and been hurt by people by not taking the time to heal before I decided to start dating again.
You'll be okay OP, it's just a blip and you will move past it.
I wish you luck, I hate break ups but I they always turn out positive because I always come out stronger and wiser when I've gotten over them and dating becomes a lot of fun when you do it merely for the fun and not to satisfy a need to fill a hole left behind by an ex.
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A
female
reader, BW123 +, writes (24 August 2012):
BW123 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your reply. I agree, holiday flings are not my thing at all. I thought I could separate my emotions from sex but it's just not me. Part of the problem is that I just got out of a long-term relationship, which comes with its own set of issues. I'm going on another vacation... from men! haha.
P.S. I just got the bunny boiler reference... harsh! But thanks for the reality check...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2012): Well OP you need to wisen up a little and also calm down as you sound a little bit needy and a tad highly strung. You're leaving yourself open to this kind of thing because you have invested too deeply emotionally in a guy who you only had a holiday fling with.
OP you had two casual flings on holiday and now are wondering why nothing really came of those? I honestly don't see the confusion, that's how holiday flings work, you use each other to make the holiday more fun and then when it's done you usually go your separate ways.
No more holiday flings as it's obviously not your thing OP. This guy doesn't seem interested in anything other than sex so if that's all you want too then go for it but if not then walk away.
I mean come on OP, you were "devastated, embarrassed, humiliated, felt like crap, pissed off, crying" tried to sleep with another guy to forget this other guy even though you only kissed him and shagged him while on holiday?
Come on OP, does any of that sound normal to you? You weren't even dating, you had a couple of nights together and some great sex and now you're so worked up over this guy that you can't "move on"? Wow.
It's time you took a break from guys and worked on you OP. For some reason you're very susceptible to very fiery passionate emotions over a nothing guy you don't even really know. Christ if that's how all women reacted to great sex I'd have to become a monk.
This guy is not good for plain and simple, read back over what you just wrote and tell me is that how dating is and is that grounds for a good relationship? It's not OP and you're threading dangerously on the line of bunny boiler with this guy. One shag OP and you're a complete mess because of it.
Get rid of this guy and stay away from men for a while. Focus on yourself, your life, your hobbies, job, friends and family for a while. You don't seem to be a healthy mindset to date at the moment and you need to get yourself back into a position of confidence, self belief and strength.
Guys hold too powerful a position in your mental well-being OP and not only is that the easiest way to cause you pain, most of us don't want to occupy that kind of position, it's too much for us and it's a huge turn off.
Time to make yourself the most important thing in your life and it's time you relegated us men to the position we'd prefer to be in, a great addition to an already satisfied and fun life. Too much emotion, too soon OP, far too needy. Get rid of that. It should take far more than a great shag to make you feel this way about us.
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