A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My ex and I still see and talk to each other a lot, nearly every day. He has told me he has feelings for me and we are still very close. One problem, although he is attracted to me, he says he does not want a relationship at the moment (with anyone). How can I help him to feel differently?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2008): Hi, I wrote the original question. Well both answers kinda sum it up. Yes, on the one hand I worry that by us being so close we are having the relationship without the commitment which does scare me a little. But, like the other answer says, if I change and become distant I fear I could lose him or just lose my best friend and then we just become acquaintences.
Couple of things, before he met me, about a year before, he had been engaged (he's 7 years older than me), this broke up due to her and I think it really knocked him back. We do occasionally have intimate moments but he is always wary because he is confused on how to react to his feelings. I am trying, in my own way, to meet other guys - in fact i met one last week. The circumstances were quite funny so I told my ex the story and he went all jealous on me, being funny and quiet. I find it really difficult to decide what to do when he gives me such a barrell of mixed signals. One minute it's all flirty flirty the next he's quiet and distant and hence why I can't work out what the best plan of action is!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2008): I was in exactly the same situation last year with my ex. You did not mention however if you are still in a sexual relationship with your ex. As this could be a main factor in why he doesn't want a gf, if that is the case, he gets what he wants without a gf so why does he need one?.
Regardless of the sexual side, if you keep agreeing to see him and meet him you are only reinforcing the fact to him that he does not need to go out with you to get your attention, because you will give it to him regardless.
Men who often say they don't want relationships, often mean they want to not be attached to anyone. They will probably drift from girl to girl for a while until they are ready to settle down. Which may not be for a good few years. If you want a relationship with this guy think.. is he worth waiting a yr, 2 yrs, 5 yrs for? Or maybe what he is trying to say is he doesn't want a relationship with you but doesn't know how else to say it.
Just suggestions hope they help. x
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