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male
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*ndy 12
writes: My wife and i have been married for three years,we are like best friends but with no sex life and its really tearing me apart as i love her so much and want to be with her for life.Before we where married sex was spontainious and goodthen it went to regular once a week,now its non existent,we are very close and talk about everything,i always bring up the subject of sex and then all i get is "come on then hop on" very reluctantly,that makes me feel really great and wanted!!Ive brought her underwear she would look great in but she just wheres it as normal underwear not for our fun,i keep telling her how great she looks,she has recently lost weight and has a great figure i tell her this.All i want is a normal loving relationship,experimenting,new positions and being open about what we both like,not a quicky before bed once a month,if i mentioned having a baby she would waiting before i finished saying it!We are in our early thirties and i dont know how much longer i can go on like this,if i try talking about it she just jokes,go and releive yourself,she just does not seem interested but every other part of our marriage is perfect,any advice please.
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female
reader, Jadzia1127  +, writes (6 October 2006):
 Women are seduced by their mind not sight or lingerie. It will take a little time and planning but you can start something. If you need ideas try a book, there are a lot on the market with fun, wild ideas that will get your wife in the mood. It is best to have her input when purchasing a book, so you know she finds the ideas in it exciting.
One of the favorite books for couples needing ideas is '101 Nights of Grrreat Sex: Secret Sealed Seductions for Fun-Loving Couples' by Laura Corn
It gives you step by step instruction how to get your wife in the mood. Just for fun, on a date with your wife get the book and agree that you will both give the ideas in the book a try. You will need to look into what bookstores carries it and arrange a date with your wife close to that bookstore.
Every couple sooner or later runs out of ideas and needs some fresh ones to liven it up.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2006): It's possible that your wife married you for comfort and companionship but never really had any true sexual chemistry for you. Now that you've been together for awhile, whatever ounce of passion she had in the beginning (if any) has withered away. I don't think there's anything you can do to bring it back. I don't think you've done anything to really chase it away. It has something to do with her inner desire for you, or lack of. Women marry for all kinds of reasons -- comfort, security, companionship but sex is usually not one of the reasons they pick someone to be their husband. In fact, many women learn that the men who really turn them on are all wrong for them otherwise. They can't be trusted, they keep a job, they're lousy mates. But they're hot in bed. You need to have a heart-to-heart talk with her about your sex life. See if you can pin it down to something simple; is she bored with her life? Maybe she needs to take classes or change jobs. Sometimes doing something more meaningful on a personal level will kick a woman's sex drive into high-gear. Is she feeling depressed or stressed out at work? These are all temporary problems that could be affecting her sex drive. If it's nothing like that, then perhaps counseling will help. I wish you the best.
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