A
male
age
41-50,
*teveK
writes:I am 30, my girlfriend is 20, and sex is really boring. We are close, and cuddly, and communicate great with each other, but I feel our psychological approach to sex is incompatible. We've been together a year. I want to flirt, touch each other, and be playful long before sex starts, so that I'm horny and up for it. While she's happy to receive my attentions, she seems to be totally uninterested in being flirtatious herself. She normally instigates sex, we go through the motions of a bit of foreplay, then penetration, and then we're done. But I am never turned on really, because up until the moment sex begins, there's never any flirtation or play of any sort! It's boring, and I can't be bothered to have sex anymore.I have a feeling this is partially down to the age gap, but also down to our different personalities. I am very creative and have a lot of fantasies. I don't think she has a single naughty thought! Also, I know I can please her, because she always instigates sex, and she said she'd never had an orgasm with a previous partner, but she does with me. I feel like all she wants is that orgasm, but apart from that, has no interest in sex.So I don't get it! She just doesn't seem to have a sexy bone in her body (despite being very physically attractive and taking pride in her appearance)! I can't help thinking she is just devoid of the ability to be creative and flirtatious. I really need help in getting her to be more sexy, flirtatious, touchy feely etc, otherwise I will eventually get so bored, we'll stop having sex all together.How can I bring her out of her shell, so she treats me as a sex object all the time, rather than just using me for quick sex before we fall asleep?
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male
reader, SteveK +, writes (10 September 2009):
SteveK is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the response guys.
@1st anonymous - I'd not thought of that, and that might be true to an extent. Food for thought ...
@icequeen18 - Actually, she has said something similar to that when we've had conversations about it. Perhaps that is still the issue .. but even after a year of being together?
Just to reiterate though, it's not the sex that's the problem. It's warming up to it. It's trying to get her to join with me in getting excited about having sex earlier in the day/evening/whenever, rather than springing it on me when I'm half asleep in bed.
Another thought I have sometimes is that she's not attracted to me. I know she loves me, but maybe she just doesn't look at me as a sex object. Whenever I look at her, I am thinking both 'love' and 'sex'. Maybe she is missing the sex part when she looks at me! :(
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2009): LOL... if she's receives a lot of sexual attention from other guys and yourself because she is so "physically attractive", she might not have had the need to develop her sexy and flirtatious side. After all, they/you can be content of having her body... isn't that enough!? ;)
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2009): age gap may make a difference. it s is not a problem, but it could make it a way that a difference in the way you both think ... and this thinking is about anything. you have seen more of a world. introduce and support her also to be like that, but dont drag.understand that she is also a person as you. you have your ways to achieve a satisfaction and she has her ways. please both you discuss and find out a solution.be patient and support. you are the one to support.
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