A
female
age
26-29,
*londebombshell
writes:hey, thanks in advance for reading this. I know I will sound like pretty much every other teenager on the planet, but I'm convinced my dad hates me. He doesnt like, abuse me physically but he treats me like my needs come second to his and I am not as good as his.Take today for example, I just came back from doing a study practice expidition and i have walked over 30 miles, maybe even 40 miles in the past 2 days and then for the 2 nights i was camping i got to sleep around 1am. Then woke up at 4.30 to 5am. I was hoping that I would be able to get a rest tomorrow and sleep a bit, but no. My dad insists I have to wake up at 7.30 tomorrow to wait for HIS parcel, even though I feel like a freaking zombie and I can't even walk properly. It's my sister's birthday in 2 days and I havent got her a present yet because I have been preparing for my study trip and i was planning to go shopping for it tomorrow, after I slept for a while, but now i not only have to wake up early in case it comes early, but I have to sit around at home all day until it arrives.Am I really just a piece of crap since even my own father treats me like it? Two years ago I got very upset about it, and 2 years later he still doesn't get how upset I was then doing it. My father makes me feel like I don't count with him. Thanks for the help, I really appreciate it. x Reply to this Question
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reader, blondebombshell +, writes (4 July 2011):
blondebombshell is verified as being by the original poster of the question thank you, I really appreciate having someone to talk to about this. and I will try talking to my mum. Thanks a lot :) x
A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (4 July 2011):
 Well one possibility is that because you have been away he didnt have chance to ask you? So he has just told you to do it because you are back now and the only one around to sign for it?
He should have asked you anyway, but maybe he had his reasons, its not a big deal. I'm sure he doesnt like your sisters more than you - all parents love their children equally. I remember I had a similar problem with my dad - I felt he loved my sister more than me because she was into swimming, and my dad is a big sports fan so whoever is most athletic gets the most attention. But as I got older I realised this isnt the case - yes he was a bit obsessive about the sport, but it wasnt about my sister - it could have been anyone, he was just into the sport side of things. It was hard to deal with but now I am older I can see that I was being silly and making a big deal out of something that wasnt really there.
Often when you are a teenager, your hormones make you a bit unbalanced and can make you believe something that isnt true, plus you can get upset or emotional over the slightest thing.
If you really feel your dad is being unfair to you and treats your sisters much better, then maybe have a word with your mum. Talking to your dad wont help, but if you tell your mum how you feel then she might be able to talk to him and get through to him better than you could.
But try not to let it get to you - he will love you and care about you just as much as your sisters. Try and relax a bit and dont take every little thing so personally, I bet a lot of what he says/does he wont think about so he wont realise that it may be taken the wrong way by you.
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A
female
reader, blondebombshell +, writes (4 July 2011):
blondebombshell is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for the answers, I know my dad does have a lot of work to do and I do try and help as much as possible, but the reason I was so upset about him getting me to get the parcel was because he didn't even ask, he just told me I was doing it.
I know I sound really spoilt here, its just that if it was either of my sisters he would have asked them first and made sure it was okay. I just feel like because I don't have anything in common with him, he doesn't like me as much as my sisters. thanks x
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (4 July 2011):
Sorry but I think your dad is perfectly normal and justified in asking you to be around to sign for this parcel. You are at home all day, presumably you have finished school now for the summer or have some time off, so you are around to sign for a parcel that is not a big ask.
You can snooze on the sofa while you wait for the parcel to arrive, it isnt a big deal! It is a pain as an adult that parcel companies only deliver during the day, believe me we wish they would come later when we are at home! So to have your child sign for it is a big help, he is not treating you like crap, simply asking you to help him out.
If you havent sorted out your sisters present that isnt your dad's fault, maybe something you should have thought about before you left for your study trip. I know that needs a lot of planning, but as you get older you need to be able to plan multiple things at the same time. Multi-tasking is something you will need to learn, it isnt your dad's fault.
I dont know what else your dad does to make you feel this way, but waiting for a parcel to help him out does not mean he hates you or thinks you are a piece of crap - it simply means he cant get the parcel delivered when he is at home so he needs your help to sign for it.
And as much as you are not going to like hearing this - you are only a teenager, he is an adult who presumably works full time - so his needs are more important than yours. Chances are he is working full time, pays the mortage - he is the main income earner for the house. If he lost his job for whatever reason - the whole family would be screwed. Therefore he is more important than you, I know that sounds awful but his role is providing for you and without him you wouldnt be able to do anything, so he is very important for your entire families wellbeing. Whereas you are just a teenager, all you have to worry about is school.
Think about your dad in all of this - he is tired every day of the week, working full time to make sure you have a house, food, clothes etc. He then comes home and has to do other stuff too - maybe a bit of DIY, looking after you kids, doing extra work late at night because he had a busy day at the office, helping your mum out with something.....if he has a busy week he doesnt get to come home and sleep for a whole day!
I know as a teenager it feels like life is really tough and it is hard work being a teenager, I remember it well - but part of growing up is realising that you dont have it that bad, and sometimes you have to do things you dont want to do.
Just get an early night tonight so you get a good 8 hours sleep, and then wake up at 7.30 for the parcel...and snooze on the sofa while you wait. It is not that bad, he has not asked you to do anything strenous or difficult. And hopefully the parcel will arrive early so you can go back to bed or go shopping.
Try not to think so badly of your dad, he has not asked much of you here - all you have to do is sit on your bum and wait for a parcel! If he had asked you to clean the whole house, or go run errands for him then yes that would be a bit mean. But he has simply asked you to wait for a parcel - you can have a good rest with your feet up watching TV while you wait.
I hope you dont think I am ganging up on you here, I'm only 24 so I'm not a parent or an old fart, but I am just trying to get you to see your dad's point of view and to hopefully help you to see that he hasnt asked much of you here, this isnt him treating you badly - just asking you to do a simple task for him that requires no effort or energy.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
female
reader, deniseblue4362  +, writes (4 July 2011):
I think you shoud put your foot down and think more about your own needs more then his or your families for awhile.
i understand what you are going through. i was lways doing what my family wanted of me to the point i was tired and had to sleep before i feel down. you are not the only one made to feel guilty for not doing what a family member wants of you. Just sleep in and tell a white lie to him say it didn't come, after some sleep go find the gift. And do not feel guilty about it one bit. you are human not a robot. Once you think more about yourself and put you first he will notice your not around as much. and mabe he will put in the effert you want.
I worked for me.
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