A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My friend emotionally goes from high to low every single day and I need advice on how to help her. She has panic attacks several times a week, sometimes every single day and they last 20 to 30 minutes. She throws up most of what she'll eat during those and she told me when they happen she'll look in the mirror and be completely disgusted with how she looks (despite being quite beautiful in reality). Afterwards, she's on an emotional rollercoaster and I spend a lot of time talking her down from making fear fueled decisions she'll regret later. For example, there's this guy she's seeing. He's a sweetheart, but not always good at expressing his feelings and she gets this, except around the time/after she has a panic attack. That's when she'll tell me he doesn't care for her and that he's probably going back to his ex. And how hurt she feels because he hasn't replied to her text yet, while said text does not always invite a reaction. She'll make up entire disaster scenarios in her head that are based on nothing but assumptions. She'll then exclaim she's going to promptly break off all contact and tell him it's over based on these assumptions. I usually manage to talk her down from this, reminding her what happened the last time she let these thoughts get the better of her (which is to say: complete disaster). She's already seeing a psychologist (it took me two years to get her to see it was time to start talking to one) but she either doesn't tell them everything or they're simply not good at their job, because they can't seem to figure out what's going on with her. She's goes through extreme lows and then highs again on an almost daily basis. It's like her emotions are amplified to the max. She already realizes that this is not normal and told me she doesn't know how to break the cycle. She told the psychologist that she thought she might have depression but the psych said she had too many moments where things seemed okay for that. I'm not asking you to diagnose her but does any of this seem familiar to you in any way? I'm afraid that if she goes on like this she'll eventually completely wear herself out. Supporting her as a friend gets exhausting sometimes, so imagine what it's like being her.
View related questions:
his ex, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2016): As an untrained professional, all you can offer your friend is moral support and love. Those are things she needs as a human being. Her psychological issues requires the evaluation and treatment of a specialist. You'll find yourself at her side 24/7, and it will overtake your life.
Sometimes it takes a few visits to different mental-health specialists(psychiatrists and/or psychologists)to find someone who is most familiar with her issues. One who has the most experience treating patients like her. Like any other doctor, general practitioners in the mental-healthcare field may not be offering the best therapy available. That comes down to what her health plan will cover, and who is on their list of mental-health practitioners.
You should not subject yourself to trying to be her
counselor; because doing so may do both of you more harm than good.
Some of what you may interpret as part of her illness may only be the typical behavior of a drama queen. They soak up a lot of empathy and attention. Their lives are so much more dramatic than that of anyone else. You have to know when to step back and refer her to her doctor. If she is in fact going to sessions. If it was that hard to get her to see one in the first place; only she knows how frequently she seeks treatment; and compliant with her therapy program. If she just shows up and doesn't actually participate through therapy sessions; no matter who she sees, they will not be able to help her.
Beautiful people tend to get away with murder and draw a lot more sympathy than average people. They play on it to manipulate. Your caretaker instinct and love for your friend pulls you in deeper than you should really be. You have to realize being too deeply involved will place undue stress on you, and you cannot fix her. She will never function completely normal; but with help she can learn to manage her attacks, and live quite well.
When things get too much for you, she should have a hot-line available to call for help. She has attacks often, and it is likely she is on prescribed medication and not taking it. As for her love-life? I highly recommend that you don't get too involved. You'll be taking the blame for things you had nothing to do with. When people get desperate and their relationships fail, they start looking for scapegoats and someone to blame. If you are being a constant adviser, it will place a lot of responsibility on you. So allow her to deal with that on her own. She needs the practice; and if she feels she's well enough to have a boyfriend, then let her prove it.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (20 February 2016):
 I think your friend is totally unfair to expect you to be her "personal counselor" specially when you really have no clue what's going on, what she REALLY needs.
I can't tell you what's "wrong" with her either seems like she is all over the place. Seems like what she REALLY needs (imho) is CBT. Cognitive behavioral therapy.
I think you are trying to be a good friend, but you CAN'T fix her. SHE needs to do that herself (and with qualified help). Right now you are a crutch. Crutches are great for short term, but not long term. If she ISN'T feeling her therapist is helping her, she needs to look elsewhere. That means another therapist, counselor.
You are going to burn yourself out on HER mental issues if you aren't careful. I know that sounds horrible. But the girl needs COPING skills, not someone to "snap" her out of it when things get rough.
I would suggest she looks into CBT and into another therapist.
...............................
|
