A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello Agony Aunts, So basically, my self esteem is pretty low, I can't define what triggered this but over the past few years I've become quieter and quieter. I'm mainly worried about what other people are saying/thinking about me behind my back. I'm quite a geek, I get good grades, and I don't have a problem with this, that's not what I want to change. But there's a couple of people that are slightly better than me, and I seriously can't cope with it, my stomach lurges everytime I hear a teacher say something good to them or about them. I know I'm not, but in that moment I seem to think that everyone thinks I'm stupid. I told my best friend, but he said I'm just competitive, that's not the case at all, it's feeling inferior that brings me down. The thing is, I know exactly what I could be, I can be a bubbly, funny person around the people I know and trust, but put me in a room with people I feel intimidated by and I crumble, I turn into a little mouse. I could be that bubbly character all the time if I stopped caring what people think. I could dress uniquely and be confident in what I wear and how I look. I could be a geek and be content with it. I just want to be happy with who I am, how can I achieve this? Thankyou in advance for your help :)
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2012): We´ve all been there, believe or not we all feel somehow the same, we ust express it in different ways. The good thing is that you want to change and having a strong resolution about it its the first step. In life theres no a manual or something like that, at the end it all depends on you.Think about who you are, what its good to remain what needs to be changed, then star this very first day to do it. Wanna get better grades, study harder. You´ve been beaten by others so use that frustration and focus it into getting better.Try new activiies, start doing different things, challenge yourself. Its not gonna work just doing it once,or for a week or even a month, the key is to be constant, keep it up, in order to develop the strenght to achieve a new yourself. Evolution its never written in a guide or something that happens automatically, it takes hard and constant work and beyond some advices, the only one who can really make it happen is yourself my friend. You are not suppose to be the center of attention or the best at whatever your studying, better people is always found trough your path in life, but better is always possible, look at those better people or inconfortable situations and say "ill defeat you, you will not be better than me" and fight for it. You gotta ignite the fire man, life is indeed to short for just looking around, think about that and remember its entirely up to you.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2012): I went through almost the same thing when I was your age. I was trying to find out who I was, and I wanted it to be the smartest girl in class, or the coolest person around. I realized that by putting that pressure on myself, I was trying too hard to be something I wanted to be, rather than who I was. Those feelings ate me up inside for years. With time and age, I realized that I could add a little bit of weird fashion (edgy) to my daily wardrobe and start to break out. I look back at all the things I wanted to wear and said, 'OMG some of this is so bad and some of this I wish I had worn :(' So, take a bit to relax, and realize that studying hard is mandatory, but being the best is not. So what if you're not the smartest or coolest or prettiest. Life isn't perfect, and realizing that worrying about trying to make it is going to bring you down. I think taking an extracurricular class would be nice, or something outside of school, with smaller groups of people to help you break out a bit more. Then, you can gain confidence in yourself and that is what is the most important! I wish a million times over that I could go back in time and tell me younger self to just relax and be confident. Now that I'm older, I am confident and easy around people... yeah sometimes I laugh a little too loud, or say something weird, but people flock to me anyway, because I'm not afraid of the little things. Good luck and keep studying! (A good brain always wins out)
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