A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I really need some advice on ways to boost my self-confidence. I'm approaching 30, so I think I should be able to function in an adult relationship, but my lack of confidence is threatening to hinder or even ruin things with my current boyfriend. Lately, I've been very anxious and nervous that he might lose interest, that I'm not good enough for him, etc. I have come to realize that my lack of self-confidence is primarily to blame. Please help me get a handle on this... Thank you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2012): Gaining self-confidence is something many of us would like to do - I think we all feel we could do with a little more at various stages in our life.
Have you always been lacking in confidence, or is it just since you've been in this relationship? This is a key question, the answer to which will inform where you should begin your journey to gain confidence.
If you've always felt lacking in confidence, then may I suggest you have a look at some of the excellent publications (Paul McKenna's books are good - am I allowed to mention someone by name?!), and websites on this topic. There are several simple techniques that can help make someone feel more grounded, calmer, etc. Would you believe that mastering your breathing can really help - have a look at yoga - helped me enormously.
If your lack of confidence has only been apparent since you embarked on your current relationship, then that's a different manner. It may be useful to ask yourself these questions:
Does my partner/boyfriend make me feel good about myself?
Does he say things to support me?
Does he say things that hurt me or undermine me?
Do my friends and family like him?
If he doesn't make you feel good about yourself, or if he controls you by saying things to make you feel less confident, you should get out of the relationship.
As I said, first things first - try to identify when you first started to feel this lack of confidence, then work from there.
Good luck.
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