A
female
age
30-35,
*indy16
writes:i've been going out with my boyfriend for 2years and 6 months and i've always been the one who needs all the attention or basically always is the one that needs it. in the past me and my boyfriend have had problems with me being to needy and we actually had to take a break for a week. i have changed and i dont really complain much i will admit i have been needy sometimes but i cant help not calling him sometimes until he answers and i really want to stop he just told me i was being to needy and invading his space it really broke my heart because i feel i wouldnt be so needy if he were to call me more just because instead of me always waiting for him to call me or just be more affectionate with me just how iam with him believe mei give him so much love and everything that it upsets me sometimes when he cant be that way with me. the thing is that i love him so much that i wana change and be the person he wants me to be.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2010): Step back and stop thinking about it as being the person HE wants you to be. What about who YOU want to be? Do you want to be needy?
Being an overly needy person will push other people away from you, and will likely stop you achieving full happiness in life. But you don't' have to be that way.
You need to blossom your self confidence. As someone else suggested, find some hobbies and interests (not home-alone-based, stuff that involves getting out and interacting with other people). Also you could see a counsellor for some self-esteem and positive mental attitude guidance - it could make a big difference. If this does interest you but you're worried about cost, go to the library and get books on NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) or Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. You CAN think yourself into being a more positive and less needy person that most importantly YOU want to be around, and so will other people :)
A
female
reader, Phoebe Halliwell  +, writes (17 August 2010):
 Hey :)
Well, firstly, he should want you for you, just the way you are. Yes, well have our annoying habits and it might help if you don't need to know where he is every minute of the day; but if he doesn't love all of you, faults and all, is he really worth all this love you're giving him?
Maybe you're needy because you love him so much and you miss him, which I suppose is more infatuated than needy..
It sounds to me like maybe you've not had a lot of luck in relationships before, and now you've finally found a good one. You couldn't imagine you could love someone so much, that you hold on to it tightly because you don't want to risk losing it.
Try talking to your boyfriend about how you're feeling and why you feel the way you do. Maybe you could arrange to call each other at a certain time of day (like in your lunch hours if you're working), that way you know you're definitley going to speak to him at some point in the day, and you can look forward to speaking to him, instead of worrying that you won't get to talk to him?
At the end of the day, if he wants you to change into someone else just to make him happy, I'm sorry but he's not worth it. He should love YOU, flaws included. You deserve to be happy in this relationship, not feeling like you're not good enough.
I hope it works out for you
xxx
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A
female
reader, misspurple +, writes (17 August 2010):
You cannot change yourself and shouldn't. It looks like he loves you too and is just getting sick of your calls. Why do you need to ring him so often? Can you not call a friend instead to help you sometimes? (but don't start bombarding them with your calls ha ha) If you want to talk to him just ring once and if he dosn't answer leave it and he will ring back or simply just send him a text to call you and wait for that instead. Try and become a bit more independant, find a hobby or go shopping with friends and you will soon forget about wanting to ring him all the time. Hope this helps :)
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