A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I´m feeling a little discouraged lately. I realize that I´m setting myself up to be judged, but I can´t help my own heart. I realize I need to stop feeling sorry for myself but I just need some help. Thanks if you can help me.My flag is Mexican, and I am here in Mexico now, and overjoyed to be here. I´m originally from USA (Florida) and have mostly Irish and European Spanish ancestry, though. I would like to stay here in Mexico forever (that´s another story).I´m feeling really sad because I would like to have a boyfriend, but no one seems to take me seriously as a potential girlfriend! Every time a guy pays attention to me, I find out almost immediately that he didn´t care and he only saw me as a free slut.I don´t dress in a revealing way, I wear very tasteful clothes and I am in no way promiscuous. This may seem unbelievable at my age but I have never had sex sex (intercourse). I get so sick and tired of being a (v word) at my age, but I refuse to spread my legs for anything less than a guy who loves me too much ever to hurt me. I want to be treated like a real girlfriend and not a free slut. I don´t understand why guys treat me so disrespectfully. I´m worried that I´m just not as smart as the average person and guys treat me this way because they don´t think I´m smart enough to be a girlfriend. I´m worried that I´m not intellectually smart enough to be a real companion.I would like to have a boyfriend, and I think that Mexican guys are amazing. I am in no way racist, but I am not attracted to guys with a background similar to my own (white American guys). The thought of settling down with a white American guy doesn´t make my heart jump... Mexican guys do.I would be overcome with joy if a Latino guy came into my life and took me seriously as a girlfriend. My very good (and intelligent) friend reassures me that it could happen. The problem is that every time I get attention from a guy, I´m always disappointed!! I´ll meet a guy, he seems really nice and sweet, I get my hopes up and open my heart (heart, NOT legs) and he´ll start to pressure me for sex before he even really knows me! Then I´m crushed and disappointed, and some new guy will come along and do the same thing the minute my tears for the last guy have dried.When I arrived in this town, I soon met a guy (I play guitar in a band and the piano player introduced me), he seemed nice and sweet, he invited me on a fun trip. I had a great time but then we went out a second time and (blushes profusely) I snogged him and things started moving really fast. I didn´t have sex with him (I have never had sex) but I am ashamed of how far I went (more than snogging). He pressured me to do more but I felt uncomfortable and said so. Well, he stopped calling me and shows no interest inme. I felt so lonely, it´s Christmas and society tells us that Christmas is for couples and single people are insignificant this time of year... everyone else out with their boyfriend or girlfriend, and I spentall my time fighting back tears or just crying. Well, just as soon as my tears for this guy dried, I met someone else... at CHURCH of all places. Another musician. Well, I got my hopes up again only to experience a similar disappointment... just wanted sex. People are going to judge me and assume that I behave or dress in a way that encourages this, but I reiterate that is not true. I have to wear a school uniform for myh job, but when not at school I wear classy clothes (I don´t have the $$$ for the best clothes, but classy), blue jeans and a leather jacket and a nice sweater or peasant blouse. I don´t dress like a slut. I go to church nearly every week-I was once Baptist, then Catholic (may go back someday) but now non denominational. Still guys assume I´m an easy slut. When guys start to move too fast for me and I explain that I want to wait to have sex they just act rejected. I feel that if a guy wants to have sex before he even knows me, that he doesn´t really care about me. If I met someone wholoved me with his whole heart and I returned his feelings, I would sleepwith him, but he hasn´t come into my life.I feel like my only choices are: Be a virgin when I´m 50 years old, or give it up to someone who will treat me like a free whore... and that would be such a shame because I have saved it for a LONG time now. I go to church and have Christian values, and while I am not sure if I am saving sex for marriage, I refuse to spread my legs for someone unless he loves me too much to leave me or break my heart.Why do guys do this to me? I wish just once someone would treat me like a real girlfriend. I have no luck with Mexican guys, and I don´t mean to be mean but I don´t wanna settle down with ¨my own kind¨(American white guys). I want a Latino guy. There are nice decent ones, but they always seem to choose a girl from their own culture. The ones that notice me just treat me like a sexual playmate. They seem to lose interest and forget me very easily. I KNOW I´ll be judged for saying this but I have the biggest crush on one of my (ADULT!!!!) students. I would NEVER act on it, because I´m not a slut, and he is a nice guy and not a bastard. I just think UNsexy thoughts around him. Still, I am so sick of all the decent guys being snatched up by some whore. I reiterated that I would NEVER get involved with someone married but I do have some intersting thoughts, all of which stay in my mind. (I would rather pitch myself off the top of the cathedral than get involved with some married guy).I am so lonely. I feel like a selfish asshole, crying over some guy when I´m in a country where some people live in severe poverty and have so little. But then I see other girls whose boyfriends love them, and I feel agnry. I often fantasize about metal baseball bats and have other mean thoughts. I love my job and my students and even when I am fighting back tears I always have a smile for every one of them. My job and my guitar are the only things that make me happy now. Maybe guys don´t see me as a potential girlfriend because I´m not smart enough. Sometimes I feel like I don´t have a soul and that´swhy guys do this tome. What the hell is wrong with me?I am so lonely. I want to be taken seriously as a real girlfriend, just once. I want someone true to come along and treat me like a real girlfriend and cherish me, to hold myhand in public and make it clear to the world that I am the only one and that he loves me. Just once... I want to experience mutual love. If I met a guy who loved me and he were to die in an accident the next day, I wouldn´t cry for him because I would be overcome with gratitude that I experienced mutual love for one day of my life. Thanks if you can help. I´m really grateful to ayone who listens to me.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2010): I don't know the culture in Mexico. Maybe it is because you are seen as a "gringo" that you are not taken seriously? And yet, many Mexicans are very religious and family-oriented, so I am surprised that you are usually merely treated like an object.
I am sure you will meet someone who respects you. You are still young.
My only question is whether you are giving a chance to the "nice guys". Maybe you are really attracted to the "bad boys" and then you complain that you only are seen as a sexual object?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2010): There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with you! its what is wrong with them all the want to do is use you for sex i have no idea why... since you dont seem like the type at all not even close... so dont just have sex just to have it wait... and make sure the guy is true! really true! dont get hurt if they just wanted sex because those scum bags are NOT worth it but you are.
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