A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:How do I become more outgoing and fun and not scared to talk to people. Me and my boy friend been on a break for 3 months now. Next week we going out to dinner. I want to show him how out going and fun im. How do I do that.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2008): Well I think that your on the right track. Your first intention is to overcome your natural inhibitions to put someone at ease and show them a good time.Like you I am a naturally shy and reserved person, who has been blessed to be part of a large extended family and the daughter of two outgoing parents. Durring my years I have picked up techniques to deal with socialy difficult situations that might have been very embarrising for me.Most people see me as fairly eaay to talk to and compliment me on my ease with all types of people, but I must admit it's a technique I had to learn. It's quite simple. I make whoever I'm talking to the most important person in my life. It dosen't matter if their rich, poor, boring, controversial, charming or anything else. I discard my feelings, hangups and concerns and become deeply interested in learning about what is important to that person, their hopes, dreams, fears, opinions on everyday issues, whether they like the sun or the rain, if they prefer vanilla ice-cream or rum and rasin.Works everytime. At the end of the evening people think I'm fascinating, but only I know the truth. I'm always left with the feeling that I've spent time with the most interesting person on earth, who has been generous enough to spend time with me and allow me to get to know them.Makes the evening shorter and more interesting, and lessens any anxieties I might have over what people think about me.Good luck on your dinner date and remember to JUST HAVE FUN.Once you relax and just spend time getting to know other people, you will see your just as confident (in your own quiet way) as anyone else.
A
female
reader, Susan Strict  +, writes (26 April 2008):
 First, and most important, don't try to be something you're not. If you are naturally quiet and withdrawn, if that's your normal character, if he doesn't love you for what you are then it's really not going to help to pretend to be something you're not.
Having said that, there are all sort of things you can do to help with shyness and nervousness. I used to be terrified of speaking to people I didn't know and I had great difficulty holding a conversation even with people I did know. I was always nervous I would say the wrong thing, so I usually said nothing (yes, I know, no one would believe it if they met me now - you can't shut me up!!).
One trick that always worked very well for me, particularly at a restaurant or somewhere that other people were around is to pick someone fairly near you in the room and just imagine they are sitting there naked! You smile, your eyes light up, and if you imagine their embarassment then yours seems insignificant and just disappears. But it's not always a good idea to pick anyone you find particularly attractive as the target of your imaginary nakedness - because that can have completely the opposite effect on you and you might not be able to say a single sensible word the whole evening!
Apart from that, the best thing is simply to be yourself. Tell yourself that YOU are the most important person in the room. Don't try to impress anyone except yourself. When you say something, it's what you want to say - not something you are expected to say. If you are lost for a word or a reply, take a moment and look across the room at that person you just imagined to be naked! and smile (don't stare at him/her for too long, will you? That might have a different effect altogether on those around you!). Have plenty of eye contact with your boyfriend during the meal - let your eyes do the talking, particularly while he is speaking. It's much better to be sitting opposite him rather than next to him if you can, and show him you are listening to every word he says, which is far more important than talking.
Good luck. I'm sure you will do fine.
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