A
female
age
41-50,
*icegirlxxx
writes:Hello everyone. I'm a woman with limited sexual experience but loves to show men a great time. My body count is extremely low. However I attract the wrong type of men who are over sexed, way too experienced and obviously they aim for the most innocent woman they can get. How can I attract the right type of men? I do not like promiscuous men present or past. However I gotta keep rejecting them because those are the one who hit me up. Please help Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2016): Do more hitting on men yourself. That means you are choosing more of them and that is in your favor. It will come with more rejections than you are used to but the gains are worth it.
A
female
reader, like I see it +, writes (15 April 2016):
 Based on the mixed messages in your post (and even your username, depending upon how one interprets the xxx) I suspect you may also be unknowingly presenting mixed messages in person.
You refer to your "body count" (which is a somewhat detached way to speak about sexual partners if the sex you had with them was emotionally meaningful to you) and say that you "[love] to show men a great time." If you are using these same phrases, or ones like them, to or around potential partners, it's understandable that they may be getting the wrong idea about you because this type of language is so sex-focused. You may be *coming across* as very experienced and sexually available even though that is not the message you are meaning to send.
If you are willing to post a follow-up, more information would be very helpful. Where are you meeting the men who are the wrong type for you? Bars? Parties? Dating sites or apps? Whatever the answer, it seems apparent that the pool of men you're fishing from isn't the right pool for you. Mix things up - try a new activity with coed participants, or attend a meetup group for something that interests you. Let friends and family know you are looking for a partner and be open to their suggestions if they try to set you up with someone.
In your shoes I might also consider asking a close and trusted friend (male or female) in your own age range for his/her honest opinion on your wardrobe/image. I'm not shy about my body by any means, but with reality TV stars like the Kardashians setting the trends for clothing and makeup, it seems (at least here in southern California) to be getting harder and harder to buy on-trend clothing that doesn't show too much skin for everyday, daytime wear. I've come home with tops that looked cute to me from the angles I could see in store lighting, only to have my fiancé point out that they're almost completely see-through in daylight or my bra straps are hanging out of the back - definitely not the look I'm after most of the time. Unfortunately society does judge people, and ESPECIALLY women, on their appearances, so given the problem you're having it might make sense to confirm that the image you *want* to present and the way other people are actually perceiving you are one and the same. I know it's sometimes hard for me to judge this correctly about myself so I feel no shame in asking others for their opinions. So far it's worked out well for me :)
As a final note, by age 36-40 (assuming you're looking for partners close to you in age) almost everyone has a past of some kind. Some men will have slept with many women and settled down with none; others may have had only one or two serious relationships but maybe those relationships were marriages with children followed by divorce, which brings its own emotional (and sometimes legal/financial) baggage. You are not obligated in any way to consider ANY partner whose past is unacceptable to you, but recognize that the more selective you are, the smaller your pool of potential partners becomes. There's absolutely nothing wrong with having standards and deal-breakers - everyone has them. Just realize that the higher your standards for a potential mate, the longer you may have to wait for someone who ticks all the good boxes and none of the bad ones.
Hope this helps. Good luck and best wishes!
...............................
A
male
reader, Denizen  +, writes (15 April 2016):
 The answer is really to be yourself. The second important point is you don't have to say yes to every man who asks you out. You get to pick who you associate with. And it's not like you wear a green hat and you get a certain type of suitor, or perfume will attract another kind. Be yourself.
...............................
A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (15 April 2016):
Rejecting those type is the way to go...Good for you.
Where are you looking for a man??
If you are going to the clubs or bars...then you are not looking for a long term relationship. You are looking for attention. Because the men in there will pay attention to any woman for the sake of sex.
If you are looking for a long term relationship, then look in places where you will find a better selection.... Book stores, retail stores, church, or more high end places. In others words...look in places where the "promiscuous man" is least liking to be. Don't get me wrong, you will find promiscuous men in a lot of churches, but...less than you would find in a club or bar.
...............................
|
