A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello,I guess I'm here asking this question because I feel like I would be breaking the hearts of everyone else in my life if I asked them. I started dating a girl about 7 months ago and I'm not sure if we're right for each other. Sometimes we have a great time together, but other times she treats me like a child and it's very demeaning. I'm not one to be overtly silly on a regular basis, I think it's a power play from her perspective so she can keep me in line with what she wants. Also, we don't have a whole lot in common. We like similar foods but I feel that is all our good dates have amounted to. I like to snowboard, but she doesn't. I like Disney World, she hates theme parks and amusement rides. I stay up late, she demands to go to bed early.These thoughts have been lingering for a couple weeks and I just can't get it out of my head that they will cause issues further down the road. My family and friends only see the glossy surface of our relationships, and so does she. That's why I feel it's so hard to bring up these issues with anyone. I'm afraid I'm just going to get yelled at. That seems to be a pattern when I try and talk about these things with her as well.I try to be calm and light hearted when it comes to bring up the serious topics, but she always takes these topics very roughly. Any assistance or suggestions on how I can broach these topics with her or what my next steps should be, would be very much appreciated. Thanks.-T Reply to this Question
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female
reader, sarcy24  +, writes (18 February 2010):
 I think it is quite important to have a number of things in common with another person but if you haven't and you are happy to do your own thing while your partner does theres then it can work too. It only goes wrong if the person starts saying demeaning things or belittling what you like doing. Too much in common can also become a competitive battle.
Your g/f is not going to like or want to hear this conversation so I think however calm you may be you are still going to get the shouting. Some people just don't like hearing anything that doesn't fit in with what they want. It is important when you approach a subject like this that you do not overly use 'you' and 'I' but say 'we' and try to generalise the topic rather than picking absolute examples which you know will make her go off! Don't approach the person when they are tired either or too late at night especially if they like to go to bed early. It is a hard one do tread carefully and remain polite and calm at all times.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2010): Can you picture yourself enjoying being around her for years, with the same differences? If not, then you have to confront the issue head on with her..no pussy footing around it. Try to communicate with her what troubles you, and you'll feel better. It's one thing to respect and honor your parents, but never choose a partner because of what they think. Go with your own feelings, without including your friends' or parents' judgement. As far as enjoying different things, try compromising, such as going different places together or separately as friends. I know some people say if you love each other it will work, but I know from personal experience that if you try to enjoy doing things and you're outgoing, and the other person doesn't seem impressed with any exciting place you take them, it's not worth suffering just to be with that person and feel tied at the hip. You absolutely HAVE to share your thoughts and feelings with her..all of them.. Go with your heart, and remember, if communicating with her doesn't change anything, try to picture what the future will be like. Maybe she'll just be the type who likes to be at home alot, but doesn't mind you going where you want when you want, which may not be bad either. I get the feeling you two are both very grounded, nice people, otherwise, so I really hope you find peace with each other and can still stay together, happily. I get the feeling you both really do love each other, as well, so please take the time to communicate well with her before you ever decide to give up. Communication is key, so never think twice about discussing anything. Best of luck!
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A
female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (18 February 2010):
 It's fine to like different things in a relationship so long as you can actually enjoy doing them seperately without recrimination from the other person. The minute someone starts demanding that you do things their way instead of letting you be your own person is the minute the relationship has taken a wrong turn. Try quietly asserting yourself by organising to do some of the things you like with some of your mates. If she complains or becomes abusive with you simply state you need to do these things because they make you feel good hence you are a nicer person to be around. Don't allow her to push you round stand tall.
Good luck god bless
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A
male
reader, gigi_fire  +, writes (18 February 2010):
 Dear Brother,
It is said that in order to get to pure water the ice has to always be melted.
There are times in life when hard decisions have to be taken and this looks to be one of them. Lets get one thing clear its your life to live and your decision to take. Please do not base it on others opinion.
It is best the you sit down with your girl alone and tell her all you feel. I know it is going to be hard but it is the only way that both of you can be truly happy. Once thing between the two of you are settled in one way or another the other subjects will take care of themselves.
Have faith in yourself, because i do. Best of Luck!!
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