A
female
age
30-35,
*an1001
writes:Me and my boyfriend had a few fights lately and last week he said he wasn't happy anymore in the relationship.. We tried to sort it out but he got more and more distant. 2 days ago he said he didn't want to break up but that he needed space. Yesterday we sat down and talked and he said he feels strange about saying he loves me anymore and that he feels numb and like his feelings are hollow. He thinks he doesn't love me anymore. So he decided we should break up. Couldn't stop crying and nor could he. His mum said he wasn't acting himself lately etc when I left I got home and my bf text me all night and the next day.. Saying he wants to meet up as friends soon etc I don't understand how one week he can love me and thw next he doesn't. I don't know what to think or do anymore
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2011): well you said he showed that he was really upset when he ended it with you, so obviously he still has feelings for you but for whatever reason the stress of the relationship overcame his want to be with you. If you think these things are what is wrong, then that may be the case and you should prove to him that you can be less controlling. However, he also needs his space right now to think things over. I'd advise you not to go out of your way to see or talk to him, but if he texts you text back in a friendly way but not in any way assuming that that means you're back together. If he wants to go out as friends do it - show him just by being around him when he requests to see you that you can give him space and independence.And don't ignore him at work either. If you see him talk casually but again don't go out of your way to see him.I wouldn't push him with constant questions about why he split with you, but if some time passes and nothing changes at all I'd ask him again just in case there was something other than your behaviour. After all, he did say it wasn't anything to do with you. Just say you want to know why the relationship failed so that you don't make the same mistake in the future.I wouldn't worry too much right now. It sounds as though he does still care about you, which increases the likelihood that you'll get back together. On the other hand, the more time passes without you seeing him and reminding him why he loved you in the first place the less likely you are to reunite. Good luck. I hope it works out for you :)
A
female
reader, han1001 +, writes (1 April 2011):
han1001 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthe thing is he keeps saying how I have done nothing wrong etc but I know deep down is cause I have been to controlling, possessive and needy. I just want him to give me another chance cause I love him.. I have learnt now I can't be like this. Will he get over this pain? Do you think when he texts me I should text back? It hard cause we work together on weekends. How do I act?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2011): sounds like whatever you're arguing about is an ongoing issue, and for as long as it goes on is hurting your boyfriend. I've experienced the same thing lately with my own relationship. When something is hurting you ongoingly in a relationship, the only way for it to stop hurting is either to break up or for feelings for that person to be suffocated. He feels numb? Sounds like he drew out all his pain and is now in the process of getting over it and he's started to lose feelings for you in the process. I suggest you patch up your problems and fix whatever's bothering him so badly - only then will things start to improve. As for meeting up as friends - if you want to salvage the relationship I'd say this was a better option than no contact.
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