A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am hoping someone can help me! I am very confused. I was in an relationship with this guy I thought was the one! Sure enough he thought the same. A few months into the relationship, i found some messages in his laptop to other women, such as ''your sexy, I have a girlfriend but who cares?!'' and even giving his phone number out..and so on.. I was shocked, I couldn't believe that HE wrote this. After everything he told me, I felt so stupid for trusting him. I confronted him, and he started crying, begging me not to leave him. How he does this when he is bored, and will delete all those accounts. I thought that every person deserves a second chance so i gave him his. After that he was even better than before, we talked about our future, children... I still couldn't trust him, and throughout the relationship I kept on finding messages in his phone, mms too.. but no hard evidence enough to leave him. I started obsessivly trying to find out, and every time he would say something that seemed suspicious i would analyze those words for hours making myself go crazy. The relationship started to slowly loose everything nice about it. He seemed so emotionless, he even talked about cheating as something that is normal and that every one does it. I kept on hating myself for loving such an emotionless person, who didn't seem so at the beginning. I kept being with him hoping things would be ok. I decided to check his email one last time, and to forget about the whole trust thing and start over.. and i found more messages. I had enough, so i left him. Again he begged me, but this time i didn't care. A few days on, i realised how much i loved him so i did a stupid thing and phoned him! He didn't care, he said that he loved me but can't be with me. I was heart broken, and depressed. After that, he called me saying he wants to try over. I was so happy i cried... We arranged where to meet at what time. When i received a text message saying ''I'm really sorry but I can't be with you''.I know he's just an emotionless f***, but i don't understand why he talked to me about such serious things, if you love someone, or if someone is the ONE how can you just drop them like this! Please help!!!! I want to get over him!!!!
View related questions:
depressed, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2010): I'm so sorry you are feeling this way. I've definitely been in your shoes in prior relationships.
Good advice isn't always what people want to hear, but you and your boyfriend don't have the ingredients for a healthy relationship no matter how much you may love each other; it was never meant to last. Yes, he probably loved you dearly despite his talking to other women that way. Also his chatting with women has nothing to do with the fact that you're not good enough. Men have their issues, and his are not ones you that will give you a strong, sustainable relationship built on the things that will make you happy in the long run.
In a relationship that will be good for you and life-giving (rather than depleting your trust and energy), you won't need to evade his privacy and go through text messages, etc. I know you felt like you needed to and you wanted answers, but this was crossing a line. You both crossed lines meaning a lack of respect and trust for one another.... and relationships are built on trust and respect and honesty. This won't happen with the right one. Trust me, I've been with more than one guy I was certain I would marry... thought I was 110% sure I'd never feel so strongly about someone EVER again and I HAD to work it out with THAT person who said he thought I was the one too. I felt this way months (maybe even years) after it ended.... BUT in time, I found someone new I feel is more right than the ones who lied to me....I've been through this situation you're going through more than once. I'm so sorry sweety. It's terrible having your trust betrayed like that. I understand why you forgave him and tried to go on even though there was no more trust. He's just not the one for you and his chatting with other girls the way he did is his issue and nothing to do with how wonderful you are!!!!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI know but hes really not at a stage in his life not to be ready! Hes in his mid thirties, and I'm younger than him. I'm a model, and have so many ambitions. It's not like he's looking for better looking women, most of the women he chatted to were in their forties! Is it possible that he is just that type of person??
...............................
A
female
reader, FoX15 +, writes (27 January 2010):
I don't know if this is my bitterness talking, but I'm sort of in the same situation, except I'm the girl he's texting etc. and he's still with his gf. Or so it seems. He's never really been straight with me.
Anyway, the guy's not worth your time. You may have real feelings for him, and you're going to hurt for a long time, but eventually you will get over it. I don't know why people lie, but he's a sick dude for it. Maybe he did want all that, because youre so great, but in the end he realizes he's not ready. He needs to grow up and the life he's living, he's a sad little man and in the end he will get his. Just know that you're the better person here. And keep being that better person by just letting this go, because no matter how many times you re-think it, you're just making it worse for yourself. Work on yourself, and the next time he sees he, he will wish he never did a thing to you.
...............................
|
