A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I got a really corny yet real question to me that I want to ask for everyones opinion? Please let me know if anyone has ever felt this way. But before I can describe it I'll give you a backround BEAR WITH ME PLEASE I need ur ADVICE.Backround:I just finished my graduate degree, the last semester finished two months ago.The semester before I had just gotten through a DEEP depression. My emotionally(i mean asshole, verbal) abusive boyfriend had made my life hell for 5years and decided to leave. I was devastated but I continued to go to school. At the time I was also very unhappy with my Masters degree. I basically went to it (1'm 24) becauseit validated my "worth". my parents are career driven, i never felt comftable saying "hey I love the arts" I never felt good enough so I though I could hide behind my degree and be "important."This was until I entered my last class of my graduate degree, my thesis class. At that time my ex had finally came back and stuidly I was still blinded and was gonna take him back; also I was convinced let me bang this stupid degree out of the way and finally get some high class job like my parents want and get married, he had finally came back.The class:The thesis classwas taught by an adjunct faculty; he was 38 and had done the same degree. In the beggining I didnt think he anything of the class because I didnt feel like learning anything i was just there to get the degree. BUT AS MY PAPER AND MY PROJECT PROGRESSED i changed. My paper was about myself and finding a great job I want and I started to really open, and have the balls to say i was unhappy. All of a sudden I started looking foward to going to class, and he became more and more atractive to me every class. Unlike any intructor I have ever had I felt comftable stating my opinions and he would always LISTEN and was never judjemental. He would always be understanding and never really judje. I even remember when I said once in class"Sometimes it feels like I am speaking a differnt language with some people" (refering to my ex and parents)and he was like "It must feel LONELY"i couldnt believe it, it seemed like he could read the emptyness in my eyes. For some weird reason I felt a connection, but he had stated he had a gf.I did not say anything when the class was over I just let it go. BUT THAT CLASS MADE ME CHANGE. Since the class I left my five year relationship, and it felt like the missing puzzle piece was connected.IT NO LONGER FELT RIGHT TO PLEASE ANYONE BUT ME. i FINALLY realized I wanted to be an author.What I also realized is that I was so madly attracted to thi instructor, is this normal. I feel like he saw in me what I was dying my ex to see, and he saw it in three months of class. After class finished a month later he sent my finally paper back graded, and stated "Keep in touch" and "you have created a lot of momentum and have changed a lot through this class" "Keep it up and keep in touch"Is this crazy that I dream of finding love like this. The last class I couldnt even look at him, and even eat. I was so nervous and attracted to him, not because of physsically but his personality blew me away. HAS ANYONE FELT THIS? He told me in the email that he was very impressed with my paper and presentation, and to keep in touch." I responded with thank you and lets do cofee sometime to keep in touch , but I feel this is NUTS, i MEAN i CANT EVEN LOOK AT MY EX ANYMORE I FEEL DISQUESTED BY HIM! ALL I THINK ABOUT IS MEETING THIS INTRUCTOR AGAIN, OR SOMEONE LIKE HIMAm i fantasizing too much? Is this like a fantasy, but i mean I swear the old me CHANGED 100 percent when i stepped in that class and even though he knows it or not he had something to do with it. MY QUESTION IS THISI know that he a gf, and sadly i proably wont see him again, but has anyone felt like this? does this exist meeting someone and just feeling this weird connection? All i know of him is through class, and the last email he sent after school was over saying keep in touch, but has anyone felt this way? I feel like a different woman, i didnt know what I wanted and all of a sudden I know 100% what I want. but sometimes I think back and Im like is this even real what I feel, how can a stranger change you 100% it was as if he saw in me what others never do. EVEN IN THE EMAIL HE SAID "YOU HAVE CHANGED" and my ex was like "oh what are you talking about it" when I stated that I felt a change.what was this? I sit here and dream of seeing him again, or someone like him, is this normal, gosh i mean I am this beautiful girl that has been asked s many times out, but I cant seem to find or feel someone like him..
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYes he did have a profound affect on me when otters and ebb thousands of dollars did not. Whether he realized it or not I don't know. He said he was impressed with my thesis and took keep in touch but sometimes it sucks when u see someone so great and then never run into them again ...
A
female
reader, TEM +, writes (15 March 2011):
 Sorry, I didn't realize what a profound effect this man had on you. You had a life altering experience. He seems to have touched off a personal revelation, and it looks like it will have far reaching effects on your life.
I did have a similar experience, but it was at a much younger age and not with someone of the opposite sex. It was a teacher I had in the sixth grade that changed the course of my life because she recognized something in me and brought it to my attention. I understand now. It just happened to me when I was a lot younger.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTEM I dont think I am reading "too much into it" if I was I would have contacted him or stated that I have a crush on him. Yes was I attracted to him absolutely but I was more shocked at the progression I made and the effect a simple stranger had on my life, whether it was knowingly or unknowngly. You have to understand I spend twenty five years hiding the real me spend thousands of dollars masking it. and all of a sudden after this simple class 100% changes me. SO its hard not to sit back and think OMG WHAT THE HECK HAPPENED! like how come a man i loved so much and the ppl close to me never did this?? you know do you get where I am coming from?I understand that the man was doing his job, but in twenty five years no one has had thaty effect on me and I was wondering if ppl have had similar experiences. Truly I was asking the question has anyone had this experience, because to me it read like a novel or a moviethank you
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAnnalisa thank you so much for that I was wondering if I was fantasizzing too much, and also wondering if men like this even existed! but thank you thank you for the feedback, I guess you are right that some people can see the good in you. My ex always thought he was better than me
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A
female
reader, TEM +, writes (15 March 2011):
It sounds as if you have a lot of critical, judgmental people in your life (your parents and boyfriend). This instructor was not like that. He listened to you, and offered you thoughtful, caring feedback. It seems to have had quite an effect on you, but I think you are reading more into it than he intended.
However, your main questions are, "Has anyone ever felt like this?" and "Am I fantasizing too much?" Yes, I have felt this way, and I am sure many others have as well, but we recognize it for what it is - a crush.
As to your other question, yes, I think you are fantasizing too much. I believe this man was just doing his job. I do not think the connection you felt with him was reciprocal in a romantic sense. I believe you know that because you have stated that now you know what qualities to look for in a future boyfriend.
As to the idea that this connection has opened your eyes to your true passion, that's great. You now have some direction in your life. Instead of living your life to please others, it seems you have decided to follow your heart.
Best of luck,
TEM
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