A
male
age
41-50,
*imLSY
writes:We work in the same building, I won't talk about the break up too much, let's just say it was really prolonged and really really nasty, both of us going back and forth. She finally ended it for good about 2 months ago in a really nasty way - I hadn't even asked for it, I had thought it was already over, but after a weird encounter in the hallway she just came and said we need a final talk. I was going crazy doing my best to avoid her, but even feeling her presence was driving me mad. Since then we've seen each other 2 or 3 times, maybe talking for 3-4 minutes. I also made the mistake of calling her a couple of times. Mostly I just wanted to apologize, hope for reconciling as friends in the far future, and thought that she would sympathize. She was just mean and said I'm selfish and if I said I'm sorry, I'm just really having a hard time, not asking for anything right now except accepting a little bit of responsibility for the situation and not treating me like trash or a stalker, she'll bring up something from the past to blame me and say that I deserve it. Admittedly I guess this might be construed as stalking somewhat, as I initiated the talking, but it's not like I followed her around or waited for her unexpectedly. The two times during the last two months I really felt that I have to talk to her I just went straight to her office. The one time I called I did call multiple times as she was not answering. But she's making everyone else think I'm stalking her. I sometimes miss the good times but now I think I'm full of hatred and nostalgia. And for some reason being treated as a stalker makes me so angry that I actually want to do it just to scare the hell out of her. Of course I won't though...I recently found that she has moved on to her new bf shortly after she had ended things. For some reason that sparked my anger, and today I found that she had ordered some personal stuff over the internet to the building office. Some kind of rage took over me, I grabbed them, ripped them open and through them out in the back of the building. This somehow woke me up, I was like what the hell am I doing being so pathetic just forget about all this! And then I decided to pick the things up and return it to her, however shameful that would be...and I did. Just said I'm sorry I did something impulsive, no other excuses or explanations and just left.Maybe it's because I've really hit rock bottom of my dignity, I'm not exactly happy but I do feel a little bit relieved not just about today but the whole thing. However I still do feel incredibly ashamed and embarrassed of other people in the building judging me.How bad is what I did, what can I do to regain my self-respect...? Talking to her is not an option as though I'm sure now that I can talk to her without losing my steam, she doesn't want to and I don't want to force her to or make any excuses. (I know no good can come out of this).
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female
reader, TELLULAH  +, writes (3 December 2008):
 Honey! you need to calm down. Right! we dont know why you broke up, you give no reason, and there are always 2 sides.
In your post you do come over as a little bit of a nutter, which I'm sure your not normally. Love can make you do awfull things, and act totally erational.
As I see it you have 2 options. Option number 1 would require you to be strong and not have any contact with this girl. You would have to brave it out, and let people talk. But dont worry they will soon get bored and talk about someone else (yesterday's news and all that) you will eventually move on, and if people see the real you then they will understand how hard you were pushed.
Option number 2, you could just leave your job and have a fresh start in another place. This depends on how easy you would find it to get another position (depending on where you live).
We all do silly things at times, and it's a learning curve for us. Let this one be your's eh!
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