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female
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anonymous
writes: I have been in a relationship with my partner for the past year and he is soon to be moving in. I know in the future that he wants children which I am in agreement with, although I don't generally have maternal feelings. However I have had 2 abortions in the past (one in my late teens and one in my 20's - I am now late 30s) and am worried about what sort of reaction he may have to this.He always maintains that when a woman becomes pregant, even accidently, that her hormones will make her feel maternal and want the child. I have tried to say not all women feel that way, otherwise abortions would not happen.I know that I will probably have to reveal my history to the doctors in the event of me being pregnant and don't want to lie to my partner about my past.Any advice of how to approach the subject would help as I don't feel I should leave until I am pregnant incase he cannot accept it.
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female
reader, xxxsoulsistaxxx  +, writes (21 July 2005):
 Whatever has happened in the past, he must learn to accept. If he loves you, he will do this. It all happened before he met you so he can't hold this against you and the longer you leave things like this, the harder they are to come clean about in the end.
Abortion is not rare, many women have some at some point in their lives and their is nothing to feel ashamed about. If having a child was not the right thing to do for you at the time, you made the right decision and it takes a strong person to make a decision like that.
Just tell him you want to have a conversation about the past, tell him there's things you would feel more comfortable if he knew before you two get more serious. The sooner you do it, the sooner he can start coming to terms with this and you can both move on. Good luck :)
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