A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am 30 years old and I have never dated. I am not pretty, but I have had my chances to sleep with guys. The thing is that I can't have sex with guys, I can't even kiss them. I kissed a guy and I felt nothing. I have fallen in love with guys before, but when the time comes to have sex or kiss them, I can't. I have asked two girls out, but neither liked me. I do fantasize being with women a lot of times, but for five years all I thought was about this one guy who I wanted to marry. I went on dates with him but I felt nothing sexual... I am confused as to what I am. Am I a lesbian or straight? How could I possibly know.....
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (17 September 2011):
 You've been in love with men. I bet you are straight. You might find women fascinating and interesting, or even want to try things out with women, but it is men you have fallen in love with, and a man that you want to marry ultimately.
So, you're straight. But did I understand it correctly, the men you have fallen in love with were not sexually attractive to you? Or were you just scared to kiss and have sex? I'm thinking you might be scared of kissing, or having sex, not because you are bisexual or lesbian or anything, but because you are nervous and scared, since it is all new. I think you've been holding yourself back, possibly from a lack of confidence? Low confidence has a tendency to hold individuals back, making them worry and be scared of imagined horrors.
You need to step out of your comfort zone and give things a try. Kissing isn't dangerous. Wait with sex until you've found someone who is committed to you. But kiss when on dates, when it feels appropriate of course :)
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