| A
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: Me and my boyfriend have been together for the last 17 months. Just yesterday I broke up with him because I felt I didn't love him enough. He has always loved me like crazy. In fact he was the one to initiate the relationship in the first place. He once happened to visit my undergrad school and fell for me. Later he found out all details about me and pursued me relentlessly. I had just come out of a bad relationship when he appeared in my life. So I was kinda vulnerable and couldn't really refuse him. We started talking and after a month we started dating. We met for some 20 days and then he left for another city to pursue his masters. So we have been in a long distance relationship all this while. He would come visit after every 3 months. But in March this year I completed my under grads and returned home. I was attending my under-grad school in his hometown while he had had gone south for his masters. Now meeting became all the more difficult. But he still managed a day or so once in a while. Now this fall I was to leave for the United states to attend Grad school. But a month long delay in visa processing thwarted my plans and here I am in my hometown trying to do something fruitful in my gap year. Soon after, my bf left for France as a part of his exchange program. Initially he was worried about me leaving country and settling abroad. The entire year we were together he would keep telling me not to go, for he feared we would break up once I left the country.But now the complete opposite happened. He left country; albeit for 3 months. Initially I was cool because I wanted him to do whatever pleased him. But he left at a time when I needed him the most. Not his fault. I would miss him a lot waiting for 24 to 36 hours just to talk to him. Now it has been 6 months since we last met. Due to this sudden gap in communication in a relationship which was already long distance I found myself drifting apart. Here I would like to mention that my bf has always been madly in love with me whereas it was usually me who would have frequent doubts about my feelings towards him. The problem is my bf and I are both short tempered. Initially I would put with all of his demands, his over-possessiveness, his jealousy, thinking that its his deep love for me. As time passed by, these habits became frustrating to the point that we had bitter fights. Constant fights between us led to me feeling distant. Now things have worsened so much that we talk nicely just once a week and rest 6 days are spent either fighting or trying to get back to normal after bitter fights. Day before yesterday again we had bitter fight and we were back to not talking properly. After thinking a lot I decided this way we are not going anywhere and we are not happy being together. I communicated this with him and also told him that I don't feel the same way about him anymore. This time he didn't say anything neither did he beg me stay. I'm glad he didn't do it this time because I never want him to force me to stay. I should be with him because I want to, not because he asks me too. We have always said that we'll break up many a times during fights but we would always come around. But this time it feels real. Its been a day and we haven't talked. Now I feel really confused. Since this was my decision I feel I'm responsible for the whole thing. I feel low and miserable. He is a great guy and loves me crazy. But at the same time I'm doubtful about how I feel for him. I guess he deserves someone who would love him just as much as he loves her. Moreover due to our different goals we would be staying in a long distance relation for at least another 3 years(I'm going to the US next year). I'm confused. Should I patch up with him or should let go of him?
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (30 October 2011):
 You keep mentioning that he loves you a lot. Which is great but you don't feel the same way for him. To me it sounds like he was a rebound from your other relationship. You cannot force yourself to love someone and the distance is going to make it so much harder. Yes off course you are going to feel miserable for finishing it, this is normal. But in my eyes I think it is for the best that you both go your separate ways. To me it doesn't sound like a happy relationship and it won't get better any time soon because of the distance. It is time to move on now and give yourself some time to get over the relationship. Good luck,
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