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anonymous
writes: Twelve years ago I met this man and at the time we were both single. Throughout the years, we kept in touch with each other by phone, email and would get together for weekends. After time, since we lived over 300 miles away from each other we pretty much went on with our own lives and both had gotten married to someone else.
A few years ago my husband passed away and we started to talk and see each other once again. I must admit that the feelings I have for him are very strong and I know what I'm doing is wrong, but my heart tells me different. I've mentioned to him that I want to move forward and share my life with someone again, but he tends to change the subject when I bring this up.
His marriage has been rocky for some time now and he had left his wife last year. I didn't want to carry the quilt of that with me and told him to go back home and deal with it the right way and he did. It's going on a year now and things aren't the way he would like them to be and he admits of not being happy.
I feel somewhat selfish by taking any opportunity I have to see him, but am starting to want even more from him. I feel that I have to pay the consequences for the wrong I'm doing, my reasoning why I won't lay it all on the table. I would like some advise to what I should do or handle this situation.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2005): As the very suddenly and deceitfully betrayed and abandoned wife of a man who started commiserating with a recently widowed old flame when he and I were going through a bad patch last spring, I can give you this unequivocal advice: Stop! Now! You have no idea on earth how much pain you're causing or will be causing his wife. It's nice to know you, at least, have a conscience. And it seems like you already know the answer to this. If your old friend and his wife don't make it due to "natural causes" and later on you and he want to be in touch, that's fine. But at this juncture, it is simply not fair to his wife. You see, what I think I'll never get over is that the end of my marriage was taken completely out of my hands and wound up being decided by him and her, behind my back. What began as "consoling an old friend" became a way for him to ingratiate himself with someone vulnerable (and, quite frankly in her case, utterly without scruples) and just blow off any responsibility to our sacred commitment. He moved 1000 miles away to be with her and passes himself off as the great helper. In the meantime, I wish I were dead half the time. If I can save one other woman the grief I've been through it would be something good out of this, at least. I'm sure you like him, have a good connection, but please consider finding another friend for the time being.
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