A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Can anyone tell me if I am overreacting or not?I chat online with my bf on a daily basis, once he just left the chat without telling me and it made me upset. But he said sorry and promised he will never do it again. But today he did it for the second time. We have been together since last year.Another thing, he had defended my friends and punched a man for being rude to them and he told me before he did this to another man during the time he was with his exgf. But then when I had to go out late at night for a very important reason, he refuses to come with me saying he is lazy so he let me go out. Is he supposed to be that cool when I am alone at night?Thirdly, he doesn't call me on the phone or text me. He just waits for me to go online and the rest of the day I don't hear from him after an online chat.But then, he says he loves me. Is quickly jealous of other man who might be contacting me and he is checking my phone for every message I get when we are together. When I fail to reply to his instant online messages, he thinks I am busy chatting with other men.Also, he has no job right now, was terminated for hitting a man and is taking anti-depressants. maybe he is just depressed this days that I need to just give him space?I get all these mixed signals and it makes me tired and upset. And now that he left without telling me he has to be offline, I am very pissed off. But am I just over reacting?I badly need advise if i should hold on to this relationship or not. Thanks in advance!
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female
reader, MissKin  +, writes (2 November 2010):
 I think blaming your emotions simply on the fact that he left an online chat without saying goodbye is over reacting.
However, you're obviously unhappy with the relationship and the way he treats you.
Every relationship has good points and bad points, you just have decide how much the relationship is worth. Is it ever going to change? has he always been this way?
Supposedly him losing his job and being depressed isnt helping matters, but it really sounds like he has jealousy and anger issues that he needs to work with. Do you want to be with a man who checks your phone (lack of trust), gets jealous easily and lashes out at people when there isn't always a need to?
You need to ask yourself what you would be happy with, and if this relationship is ever going to be that way, and if the answer is no, then thats the answer to whether you should hold onto this relationship or not.
It doesn't sound like he is making you happy so maybe it's time to find a better relationship.
hope things work out for you!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2010): ok so i totally understandf how u must feel !!
i think the best advice i can give too u is . u need to sit him down n u too need to have a talk asap !!!
tell him it bothers u he doesnt call u thruought the day or text u even a hi or a goodmorning ! tell him ur gettin mixed signals because he says he loves u but he doesnt show it too u nn ur concerned . tell him how u truly feel about him n then wait n let him talk n tell u how he feels if u cant do it anymore n he continues to do the same n not show any change . its time to let him goo !!!! hope it helps send me a message n let me knw how it went !! good luck n i wish u two the very best !! :)
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (2 November 2010):
 He has problems expressing his needs and wants. Even saying goodbye, I have to go is difficult for him. In day care the younger kids who hit other kids are the ones who can't talk well. Rude people are everywhere, every day. He can't punch them all. Punching people is not a sign of protectiveness, but more like a fight or flight instinct. He is depressed because he lost his job. So talking with you would feel like a chore. Antidepressants only treat his depression, and calm his excitability. Maybe he's an impulsive person who needs a lot of guidance on how to handle difficult emotions. He needs space when he wants it and he needs support when he needs it. For now if you want someone to attend to your needs forget it, he can't give you that.
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