A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Until recently I was in a relationship with a guy who is 11 year's older then me. He had been married before, but the relationship ended when his wife had an affair. We met when we were both out on new year's eve. (His friend knew one of my friends). We connected even though he was older, and we slept together that night. I was really embarrassed the next morning but he called me back the same day and we started seeing each other, and it was a great relationship. When he filed for divorce, his ex wife began harassing me through sending me messages on social media sites, spreading rumours, coming in my at work (I'm a waitress) ECT. I tried to handle it without involving him, but after 2 months of it, I told him about her behaviour and they had a huge fight. She refuses to sign divorce papers and refuses to allow 'a child' as she calls me steal her husband. I'm 21! I tried to bite my tongue but I finally gave in and ended thing's after she began telling people they were back together. My boyfriend insists he loves me and wants a future with me but I told him until his wife was out of the picture, I couldn't have a relationship with him. We broke up two weeks ago and I have been heartbroken ever since. I guess I just wonder if I have make a huge mistake or if I was right to walk away? I love him, and I could see a future if she would let go. I accept she will always be a part of his life. He has tried changing his number, only talking to her through their lawyers but she just won't play ball. They have no children but they own a house together.
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (6 September 2013):
 I would have ended it too, that is WAY to much drama!
1. You met, slept with and started dating a married man. Even if he had left her he was still married, so in the future I would avoid married men, because the potential for drama and emotional messes is huge.
2. You were rebound girl. That is NEVER fun.
She can't STOP the divorce. Whether she signs it or not. It's a matter of an uncontested (they agree to divorce) or a contested divorce. All he has to do is file a petition to dissolve the marriage which is "easy" as they have no kids. The petition only requires the signature of one spouse. The petition should contain an allegation that the marriage has dissolved.
So sorry to tell you, but I'm calling BS on him. If he had a lawyer (and he did IF he filed for divorce) that lawyer would have told him this.
I would stay far away from these people.
I can't fault the wife for trying to fight for her marriage. And in her defense you don't know 100% that SHE cheated on him, that was what HE told you. You only knew what he told you about the marriage. Woe is me... He said he "tried" to change his number but SHE won't play ball? What is she? Mafia? If he lets her run the show (and I think he does) then she WILL run the show.
However, all that harassing... Not fair on you at all to have that thrown in the face, they (the husband and wife) should have sorted themselves out without dragging you into it). Blocking her on social medias might have made it easier for you to stop what she was doing, but.. hindsight is 20/20.
All I can say is this. Lesson learned. A married man can come with all kind of baggage. Such as a wife who will do whatever to "save" her marriage.
I'm so sorry you got caught up in this mess and I hope they will both leave you be so you can get on with your life and leave that drama behind.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2013): Yes you did the right thing. He was a red flag from the start because of the fact that he wasn't already divorced when he was out on the town and willing to start a new relationship. He could have spared you from his psycho abusive ex if he had divorced her before advertising himself as being available for a relationship.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2013): Since they don't have kids together there is absolutely no reason she has to stay in his life forever.Yes you did the right thing. If he wants to be in a new relationship he needs to get her out of his life. He needs to be divorced and no longer living with her.To his credit he did file for divorce. He needs to follow through on it and not let her drag it out. He can't stop her from harassing you since its a free country and he can't control her movements and actions. But he does need to make clear to her that there is nothing for her to fight for so she will give up. She needs to feel that there's nothing that she can do that will bring him back so he needs to send her clear and consistent signals. If she continues showing up at your workplace you need to call the police and have a restraining order put on her. You definitely did he right thing of breaking up. Not to punish him since he has filed for divorce but rather to keep everything above board and encourage him to follow through with his divorce otherwise many married men would simply coast along and take the path of least resistance which is to date the new woman while avoiding the ugliness of divorce and keeping the wife holding on to avoid her wrath.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (6 September 2013):
Part of me wants to say you did the right thing, but the "refuse to lose" side of me hates that his psycho wife won.
As a man I'd just kick the other guy's butt, I don't know what women do in this situation, but since you really like him and you know the two of them aren't together anymore, I don't see why you don't change jobs. Also, who cares if she starts rumors.. Is your town very small? I find it hard to believe they find their way back to you.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (6 September 2013):
 Hold firm. When he can show you the legal divorce you have a green light until then keep him at arm's length .
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A
female
reader, Brokenv  +, writes (6 September 2013):
I think you are being a bit unfair. He has ended his relationship with his wife. Your boyfriend has no control over her behavior. She sounds like the typical ex that doesn't want her husband to move onto a new love and have his happiness. She sounds like a bi&ch!
You should of set boundaries with him regarding her. He has to get his divorce and settle up their joined property......that is what it takes when you get involved with a "married" man. He is still legally married. Maybe tell him to contact you once he is divorced.
I'm sorry you are heart broken. But you made a decision to leave this relationship. Don't go back and repeat this again. Not only is it hard on you but it is also hard on him.
Good Luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2013): I have but one rule of thumb. I never date a married man until his divorce is final. No good can come from doing that.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (6 September 2013):
 You did the right thing.I assume they have a joint ownership of the house. She might worry about paying for the house by herself, and she is angry that now the house might be shared with you. They need to decide what to do. Is he rich enough to buy out her equity? I think she screwed up badly. She didn't really love him, more like a business partner maybe. Now she is stuck with a house she has to keep paying but can't have it all by herself. Now back to you, you have to move on. No one should be in the middle of this drama. He trusted her blindly and is financially tied to her because she refuses to sell the house that she worked so hard for.
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