A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My b/f is a nice guy, lovely company, helpful around the house when he stays over. We've been together 2 years. He's 5 years older than me. I have realised we have very different opinions on work, money, savings and planning ahead. I like to be organized and plan, he always runs out of money before month end and will not think ahead. Like he will buy something and then not have enough money left to fill his car. He borrows money and I wait up to 3 months to get paid back. I want to save for a holiday and he agrees to do it then when the time comes to contribute to the savings account he says he hasn't got money this month, he'll put in double next month. (But then doesn't - I eventually gave up on that holiday idea and started saving on my own).I think what bothers me most though is that he says he will do it and then doesn't, or says he's going to work overtime to earn extra and then doesn't, or stays off work on unpaid leave (he claims it's not busy enough to justify paying the cost to travel to work) but then still spends money drinking in the pub.He keeps saying it's going to get better and he has big plans for the future, but all his future plans depend on him earning now, which he is not putting much effort into. I don't understand him and I don't know if I should stay with him although I love him as a person, this side of him is a problem for me, I thought guys his age were more together and had got over the kind of irresponsible never mind tomorrow party now attitude.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2012): Okay first off he is immature he needs 2 get his act together if he wants a future with u other wise if u guys got married there will always b the same fighting and end in a divorce anyways ppl say money isn't important but unfortunatly it is u need stuff 2 live got 2 pay bill and what not so honestly he changes or get out while u can
A
male
reader, eddie85  +, writes (5 May 2012):
 From the way you tell it, it sounds like your boyfriend has to grow up a bit more -- at least in the financial department. It is also wise of you to notice that his actions are giving you a reason to have some seconds thoughts about him.
Money and savings are HUGE parts in determining whether a couple stays together -- especially if you plan on marrying or combining your financial interests in the future. Think about all the fights that go in even in the most stable of marriages that revolve upon money and money allocation.
At this stage of your boyfriend's life, I would suspect his ways are pretty well set. Some guys are just built to spend money and not consider tomorrow. They are the ones to have lots of toys today, but have nothing saved for when the money spigot gets turned off.
I think at this point you have to determine whether you can deal with his spendthrift ways. If he is bad at paying off debt, this trend is likely to continue. Also, how does he react when you talk about it with him? Can he at least compromise on his purchases and spending, or is he blatantly reckless / disrespectful? Ultimately, the answers to these questions will determine whether you will have a happy future both emotionally and financially.
Sadly many couples find this out about their significant other after they are married or combined their incomes. If his actions are giving you pause, I think you need to determine if investing more time and emotion into him will ultimately lead to fights, frustration and a fast trip to the poor house.
Good luck.
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (5 May 2012):
Unfortunately there are some people who never quite manage to get a grip on their finances, or develop a responsible attitude to money. A significant but underemphasised cause of the current economic difficulties is the levels of personal debt that people clocked up when credit was cheap and there was no squeeze on lending.The point that you need to emphasise to your boyfriend is that your complaint is about more than just money. Saving money is one form of sacrifice that you have to make for planning for your future, and by not contributing financially and easing up on immediate gratification in order to do so, he’s not actually putting any effort in to your future as a couple. For example, if you eventually want to get a place together how will you be able to do so if he’s got no money? How will you be able to enjoy that special holiday together if he can’t put anything in to it? Or are you expected to pay for everything. And why should you just because you’ve got better control over your finances?If you make him understand that his attitude to money actually says a lot about how seriously he takes this relationship, it might make him try a bit harder to sort things out. He might not realise the implications of his actions and think that it’s not that important to make some changes. Tell him how unhappy you are about it, and how he’s not thinking about your future together. Tell him that you expect him to make an effort to save too, that’s not an unreasonable demand.I wish you all the very best.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2012): You are going to have a very unhappy marriage if you stay with him. Finances and differing phylosophies about spending/saving money ruin many relationships. I hope you see this as a red flag! The likely hood is that he will not change and suddenly become a planner and saver. Either you let go of your saving habits or realize this is how it is going to be- you working and saving your money and him doing whatever he wants with his and tapping into our funds. This isn't something to tie lightly like the poster below.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2012): He won't change no matter what he says. That is his personality and his way. In time the differences between you will become more and more irritating. Sometimes you can love someone but not want a future with them.
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A
female
reader, PerhapsNot +, writes (5 May 2012):
 Here in the US, finances are the #1 reason why people get divorced. Your situation reads like a future divorce to me. If you cannot see yourself married and financially attached to this man, then it is time to move on. This problem won't go away. This is who he is and if he doesn't want to change his habits and how he looks at money, it will never work.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2012): My boyfriend is the same, We've been together 5 years, he has been working full time for the full 5 years yet ive been a student for 4 out of the 5 years. He blows his full pay in the first two weeks of the month then can barely afford to get to work for the next two weeks. Our plan is to move in together next year, i have savings yet he has nothing. Its really annoying and frustrating. Especially as he blows his money on nothing and doesnt think about the future at all. It really annoys me. Anyway enough about me lol .... Have you tried talking to him about it? Make him see your concerns and why this is important to you? Failing that you should both set up a direct debit into a joint account every month, bpth of you pay in the same amount, it will come out just like every other bill therefore when he budgets he will take that in to consideration. Also try suggesting you's have nights in rather than nights out or try other ways to try and help him stop spending so much! hope you eventually get that holiday :-)
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