A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi , would love some advice . I was dating a guy for several months and as I got into the relationship I realised the guy had some mental health issues that included self - harming . I tried to be patient and loving as he was finalising his divorce , then as we became more loving and physically closer he called me to say he never wanted to see my face again , nor did he even want to be friends . I am very upset as there was no catalyst - wondered if I should accept that he is not ready for any kind of relationship ? Help appreciated ....
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (29 April 2014):
 As hard as it may be, you have no other choice then accept that he can't be your friend, BF or lover. Not now, maybe never.
He is not in a healthy spot right now, and HE needs to sort himself out.
A freshly divorced person makes for a crappy new partner.
A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy  +, writes (29 April 2014):
 The catalyst was the two of you getting closer and he realised he couldn't be in a relationship. Yes, you have to accept that.
I agree fully with Cerberus, relationships that start with one trying to be the others saviour (and the other leeching off that adoration) are unhealthy. Try reading a book called Women Who Love Too Much for more insight.
In general, don't date or get into relationships with people who are separated or in the process of divorce. They need time to sort their heads out before they get in to new relationships in my opinion (and experience).
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2014): Yes you should just accept that, and you should accept that a man that self-harms is not ever going to be relationship material and that being his saviour is not exactly a foundation for a good relationship anyway.
OP, thank your lucky stars he gave you an out, it sounds like you are fully willing to keep going with this absolute nightmare of a man.
Run for the hills and don't look back.
You may see it as a loss, but it's as much a loss as having a tumour cut out of your brain.
Don't look back.
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