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age
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writes: hey my boyfriend looks at porn and lies about it and it makes me feel like nothing and not good enough and insecure and upset and it was going on for way to long so i broke up with him. if it is making me this upset is it right for him to continue doing it in our relationship...he says it is just a guy thing and there is nothing wrong with it even though it hurts me. I know guys do this sort of thing but is it really needed and fair when you have a girlfriend and she is so sad about it??? thanks
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female
reader, elizstar  +, writes (25 October 2008):
He may promise to stop looking at porn but I promise you this is a lie. You are still very young, ask yourself do I want this in my life {him alone} or maybe you join him, it worked for me. If it really is not your thing then walk away from this relationship.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2008): Look, guys like porn. But he's with YOU, so that means he loves YOU. No guy 'loves' porn - we just use it to get a quick fix. For goodness sake lighten up.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2008): Don't let his watching pornography harden your HEART towards him. Try to get him some therapy for his problem, hopefully things will get better then.Hope this helps
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2008): PS: Also some men who don't look at porn now, may develop an interest in it later in their life, and men who look at porn now, may eventually find it boring and give it up.. As seen from questions on this board, many men lie about whether they use pornography or not. So my default statement is that it might be difficult to find a man who doesn't like pornography. Difficult, but not impossible.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2008): In answer to your question, it is purely based on my own personal experience and a historical interest in the history of sex. I know very few men that have not looked at porn at some point in their lives, and after being on this board for a little while, it seems that I am right.
I have tried to be clear and not to generalize, but maybe I haven't been clear enough. Most men (not all) have looked at pornography at some point in their life. Some men actively enjoy pornography and look at it all the time. Some men actually hate pornography and it disgusts them. Some men will glance at pornography if it is placed in their faces but they show little interest in looking at it more often than this. Space is short, so I usually abbreviate to say that most (not all) men look at pornography.
The statistics on the internet I think will bear this out. Without the adult sex industry the internet would not have the reach it dose. It is only recently that sex and pornography has been removed from the number one spot to be replaced by other sites like goggle as women have become more educated and confident in using computers and websites. Again the same story goes for the development of the video recorder and the home movie camera (now known as digital cam) Videos and movie camera's were not created only for the Adult sex industry, but the pornography increased the take up, saw video machines, and movie camera's moving into the home, and finally into the mainstream. The sex industry is a part of the history of technology and has pushed technology into the mainstream. But right from the first the strongest advocates were people at home indulging in adult sex play and wanting to record it to film.
Likewise, in world war one and two, erotic images of women helped to increase sales of cigarettes. In the expansion of America, again, prostitution and pornography helped to develop towns and industries and what was once a town full of mining men, became settled by the presence of prostitutes who set up business to cater for the newly found wealth.
The history of erotica and pornography is very interesting, and stretches back as far as civilization, writing and drawing has existed. The Sex museum in Amsterdam has some very rare images of 19th century pornography. Likewise, there are examples of pornography to be found in ancient Greece, Rome and Egypt. The first laws restricting pornography were not created until 1857..
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pornography
I have done no surveys, and it is partly my own experience and the historical evidence that I have investigated that leads me to make the unscientific statement that most (not all) but most men look at pornography, even in countries where is has been made illegal and is banned.
I hope this answers your questions.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2008): To some of the poster that made this comment 'Most men watch porn!' Where does the random statement come from?Where's your facts?Many are to busy working or persuing hobbies and too close to their partner to even both going there.I accept' some men persue this 'hobby'You are clearly implying that the young lady poster has to accept it or search for a needle in a haystack to find a man that doesn't watch porn. This is an untruth.'Some men watch porn'Good luck
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2008): This question has been posted twice for some unknown reason.. please see the same question here...
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/upset-that-my-bf-looks-at-dirty-pictures.html
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male
reader, 1trainer1 +, writes (15 October 2008):
have you tried to watch it with him? has it affected your relationship? how is your sex life changed?
I watch pron and consider myself a normal guy, my gf watches it with me sometimes and i find that quite exciting, now we share it i dont watch nearly as much as i used to.
once it is out in the open it is not as exciting as it used to be.....
hopefully some men can agree with me
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2008): Most men do look at porn every once in a while, even when they are in steady relationships. One of the most important aspects of a relationship imo is respect though. If he knew you were insecure about the porn he should sacrifice this 'hobby' for your happiness. The fact that he lied about watching the porn suggests that he doesn't want to upset you, it is more of an addicition in a way. If you love him he deserves a second chance.
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female
reader, babe23  +, writes (15 October 2008):
you have to understand that mastrubation and sex are two different things for men. they enjoy both as different feelings. when he says its a guy thing, that is exactly what it is. dont get so offended. You mean the world to him. accept his habbit of watching porn because every man on this earth watches porn. and it is a very natural thing to do. Both me and my boyfriend watch porn. sometimes together and sometimes separatly. When i was youger, i could not understand this habbit of his. I used to feel dejected. He would watch porn, with me in the next room!
I sat and spoke it out with him and when he explained to me, i understood what he means. They show a whole lot of things in porn videos. some are things we wudnt want to try but arrouse us nonetheless.... and even for women, its different wen we mastrubate and its different wen we have sex. as humans grow older, and are used to mastrubating, it is difficult for anythngs lesses than visual stimulation to start the process.
Relax, accept men watch porn, (women also do...) and you'll feel much better. it is no reason for you to break up.
goodluck, hope this helps you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2008): Has the porn replaced your sexlife? Is it dominating his life? Is it an addiction that has reached unhealthy limits? If not, please think about these things:
Your own fantasies, do they not exist? Do you not masturbate at all or have fantasies? What if your bf became jealous of your thoughts? Wouldn't you find that a bit odd?
Why does the porn make you feel insecure and hurt? Is it the fact that he looks at other women in the films? Remember that is just a fantasy. It is not real. The things that occur in porn films are rarely things men want to see or experience in real life - most of them would freak out if things like that were presented to them in reality.
This is a generalization but in most cases it is true: Men like to masturbate to porn, women do that too but a lot of girls prefer to fantasize, make up the scene themselves. Both ways are natural and healthy. If your bf is not forcing you into anything and the porn doesn't dictate his schedules or your relationship, then what is the problem? Masturbating is a way to vent, to relieve yourself. Having sex with your significant other fulfills a completely different need; whereas masturbation is just a release for a guy in a good relationship, sex with his gf is real intimacy for him, it is about showing his emotions, making the person he loves feel good, enjoying one another.
Your bf made the mistake of lying to you about watching porn. He should've said to you that it is just a way to release pressure and is in no way meant as an insult towards you nor is it a substitute to you - just because he watches porn it doesn't mean he prefers it over you or that he wants you to be different. If he loves you as you are and is a good bf in other aspects, don't you think you could let this thing slide? Watching porn together is not a bad idea either, unless you find it repulsive. And there is the problem that whilst many women find the "softcore" stuff arousing, many men prefer the dirtier stuff - and a lot of them get turned on by it because it's often seen as doing something dirty and forbidden. Again, it is just a fantasy and we all have them. What we want in our fantasies are not the things we want in life, that is why they are just fantasies and nothing more.
Finally, I think you just try and concentrate on other aspects of your relationship. There will always be some things about our partners we don't like but if we want things to work out we need to accept the flaws too, as you surely know.
Your bf may not give up the porn, but he might heat things up in the bedroom and try some new tricks with you if you ask him to :) Exploring his sexuality with you is a precious and important thing to him and it wins over the porn hobby, hands down. Remember, he might get turned on by porn, but you are the ultimate fantasy, you are the person he loves.
I hope things will get better for you, enjoy your life and your bf as they are, take care!
Loads of hugs
xxx
Lorelai
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2008): Guys suck. They tell you crap to make you think they're God's gift to women, but they're not.
His doing that and not caring about how you feel at all is messed up and I think you did well by breaking up with him. Find a guy who at least cares. Your ex-bf did not care enough about his relationship with you - there are guys out there who do.
It makes me mad to realize, that yes, most guys watch porn. In fact, I think all do. The ones that claim they don't are just cowards and want to look good (or superficially please their partners).
I seriously don't understand why guys need to watch that crap when they're with someone. And I mean, like watching it religiously, like morning, afternoon, and evening. Why not just have sex with your gf, or have her give you a blow, or a hand job?
Evidently, guys don't feel like them masturbating to random naked women is a form of cheating. They are fulfilling a physiological need - I mean, omg, don't you know how important it is to jack off to random naked women? It's a really tough job. :-/
I honestly feel like men lack hearts in this respect.
I'm sorry for venting, but I hope this helps you...
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