A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear Aunties. My problem is my fiance sucked and licked a strippers boobs on he's bachelors party, i wasnt cool about it and told him im not happy he says it was only a party meant nothing. sometimes i think about it the people that arranged it told me there will be none but there were,i feel i cant trust them no more he is he's best buddy however now he tells me im in his way after 1 year of marriage i dont give him space he wants alone time so he watch tv i sat with him on the same sofa he tells me why im a following him around everywhere like a puppy give me space i told him i missed him and want to spend sometime with me he is so rude with me and not with other people he doesnt talk to me during like he used to , he's mom told me a secret that she kissed another man and he anted to try it but she chased him away and i should not tell my husband but it bothers me ya know however it can ruin our close relashionship and a divorce but then im not honest im our marriage so its a two way end .he tells me im fat i know i gained a few pounds but then im average sized women figure still he says to me he's work or whatever he does got nothing to do with me he use to talk everyting with me he talks to me like 4 times a night and thats only when he wants something but then to friends or chatting rooms he is not the same person he jokes talk a lot of funny stuff with them he says he is bored and its feels like im checking him up the other day he made a big fight out of nothing told me he needs to go somewhere i said cool however to find out one of his buddies where with him but i had to walk home almost my lady friend took me home. he has a hobby and spends 24/7 with it and when i complained he says im childish and he is fedd up with us fighting all the time, he is tired of us relationship but then yet in the same day tells me he wants children i dont understand what im doing wrong if i watch tv he will say im lazy how ever our house is clean when i watch tv with him or just sat by him a bit he will be so angry and say doesnt i have something to do?? im onfused he chats all day all night with the same people when i ask him some alone time he says not now but when its bed time or like almost morning hours he wants to have sex then when he is done with what he is doing when he's friends tell him dude your wife is getting hot and she will be a good mom hot mamma ure lucky he says i know with them but when they arent around he is so rude with me he tells me im a child i should grow up he doesnt want me to where sexy underwear no more i have to wear underwear that looks like mens briefs almost and i love sexy underwer especialy the smaller sexy linqurie sorry for so long letter but im so confused i dont know what to do when im at home..... do i tell him go with his friends for a mens nite? do i leave him lone and dont talk to him? oh and yes i did spice up the sex i were different stuff try different stuff toys play with my self , suggested to watch porn alot off stuff please help thank you
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female
reader, kaytie-babey  +, writes (21 January 2010):
 To be honest..
If you really care about this man, I would personally take up a marriage councillor - and express all your problems/issues in which you obviously have with this person, as you are obviously both putting strains on eachother - unnessisary ones.
Or if you don't want to continue your obviously unhappy marriage with him, don't bother with the expensive of therapy, divorce this man and buy new shoes instead - always helps.
I know what ever choice your going to make will be the right one - Just make yourself happy for a change, instead of him.
And for his Mum, that is her private life and she shouldn't be shuffling it on your plate - She'll sort out her mess, put it to the back of your mind - She is the least of your worrys right now.
A
female
reader, michellevwoods +, writes (21 January 2010):
Obviously you're very unhappy with your current situation and from the sounds of it your husband is in the same place. He's pushing you away for a reason, and making it very clear to you there is a problem.
Although it's hard to hear, maybe giving him some space is exactly what you both need. From what you say, your husband doesn't seem to appreciate what he has with you and some time apart might be what he needs to realize it. Unfortunately, there is a chance that you may not find your way back to each other but to be honest the alternative is living in a very uncomfortable and unloving relationship.
If you do find your way back, you need to start afresh and to be equal in your affections, otherwise neither of you will be completely happy.
And if you go your separate ways, remember yes, it will be hard at first but with time and patience you'll soon be in a place where you can experience the joys and excitement of dating again (with inevitable non-starters - but that's part of the fun), new friendships, romances and hopefully a new and more loving partner.
As for his mum, I'm sorry but I think this isn't the big deal you've made it into. She had a conversation with you in confidence and I think thats how it should stay. I don't agree with infidelity in any way but it sounds like a problem she has to deal with. Telling your husband, I think would be more to hurt him because of your problems rather than an "open disclosure in marriage". It won't be of any benefit to anyone. His mum needs to deal with her issues, not you.
In short, answer these questions:
If you take a stand with your husband and he still won't listen, then is your relationship really worth fighting for?
and
Will telling him about his mother's dalliance with another man be for his benefit or just to hurt him?
I hope this helps in some way, take care and good luck.
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