A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:this is my second marriage been married for 17 years I have 2 grown son's they live on their own and my husband has a daughter that she's married, after 10 years of our marriage my husband's mother moves into U.S. from middleast, our life has been disrupted, my husband has 2 sisters and a brother but he is the only one who supports he's mother financially she lives in another city he pays for all her expenses, I myself use to write her bills we furnished her house when ever she needs something it always gets done, she is a controlling and dominating woman, he's mom always complains about everything she's never happy, when he's mother says jump my husband says how high and this been going on for the last 7 years, because of it we are having problems fighting all the time and my husband does not have any boundaries and he always takes he's family's side and it's always my fault, me and my husband work hard and we don't do anything fun, we don't go anywhere because he doesn't have the money to do anything because he has to pay our expenses and he's mother's expenses, please let me know what I should do.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2010): hi - you might find reading some of the many replies to this post helpful? http://www.dearcupid.org/question/my-in-laws-hate-me-and-my-husband.html
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2010): Dear lady,
There is nothing wrong that he is doing as i feel. It is nearly same that every Man in earth would do. You need to understand that he is riding a very complex and fine balance between his mother, his sisters and his beloved wife and his kids.
This balance is complex and he will often fall. And that is waht is happening. Also remember please, that you are the only one whom he can look forward to support him in his complex set of responsibilities.
So i feel you should support him emotionally, and with sharing the expenses and letting him know that you are with him and understand his position.
time will pass soon. Do not worry too much about it. I have gone through same situation, and it took few years of complex life then life became normal. As my DH's responsibilities started reducing ( his sister got married and setteled etc ) . Things became ok.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (27 March 2010):
 There is nothing much you can do with a husband like that. You will have to just hang in there until your patience and tolerance runs out and leave.
You could communicate your wants to him and leave it to him to deal with it.
Some people come with collateral damage. You cannot change them.
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (27 March 2010):
I don't know if there's really much you can do besides take a little bit more control of the expenses and talk to him. Instead of fighting, try to speak to one another. Have you explained calmly to him like how you explained to us how it's taking a toll on your relationship because you feel like most of your money is going to his mother?
I think with this there's a very fine line and a lot of balance that needs to happen. I think you do need to be somewhat understanding that when there's only one child that helps out their mother and no one else will help, they feel obligated and guilty if they don't help them because they know that no on else will. It's happened in my mother's family. She has 5 other siblings, but only 1 helps out their father and my mother does sometimes, but the rest really just can't. It tends to be the one who's closest to the family that ends up with what I guess you can call the burden. I know when my parents are older, it will probably be me taking care of what my parents need because I'm closest to them out of both my sisters. However, I don't think that they would be very demanding or need my money. But I would definitely be there for them whenever they needed me.
So in the end, I think you two need to come to a common ground and understand why he may feel like he has to help his mother (after all, she did give him life) and he needs to understand that you feel like it's upsetting your marriage. It would be a shame to have 17-years of marriage go to waste. Also, culturally he may feel obligated to help her the way he does.
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