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anonymous
writes: Hi,I've been in a relationship for over 2years now. My partner has 2 young children from his previous relationship. We have the children every 2nd weekend. My first problem is when the children are with us i feel I'm on the outer. During the week we each have our own spot on the couch, we cuddle and lean on each other. When the children are with us im pretty much delegated to the "other lounge". I work most weekends when the children are there and get home around dinner time. I would like to have 10min alone with my partner when i come home but the children wont leave him alone. I feel he should be able to say to them, ok guys just leave us alone for 10 min and i'll be right there. His daughter is 10 and his son is 8. Their mother has married and has been for approx 7 years. Am i being selfish? My other problem is i found some condoms in my partners jacket pocket just after i moved in with him. We have never used condoms; im on the pill. At first count there were 16 condoms. In Sept 2004 there were 14, in February this year there were 12 and this month June 2005 there are only 11 left? He swears he's never cheated on me and says he's never cheated on any of his ex's. What am i to believe? Can anyone help me? its driving me crazy. I'm sitting here at the moment with my suitcases open, not sure what to do? Please Help me.
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reader, emah +, writes (17 June 2005):
You mean to tell me that your man has condoms that are starting to dissapear and you havent asked WHAT THE HELL I would be all over my man. Or take them and see if he has the guts to ask where they went.
A
reader, Rebecca Batchelor +, writes (14 June 2005):
 To address the first issue, I think you probably already realise that it really is okay for your boyfriend to give his kids 100% attention at the weekends that he has them. Yes, it would be nice if he did give you some time too but as he only has them every other weekend, it is understandable that he makes the most of that time with them.
I think the reason why you feel put out is more to do with your own insecurity and uncertainty. You are concerned that he isn't being entirely true to you and this is what is triggering off doubts. You are more likely to pick up on anything that doesn't seem quite right when you are unsure.
I think you need to lay your cards on the table with him and you need to let him know that you are aware of the condoms he has. He may question you for looking in his jacket pocket but really that is unimportant compared to discovering the truth. I wonder if you have kept this to yourself all this time. If you have, it isn't surprising you have now got to the stage of thinking about packing.
You must talk to him, tell him your uncertainties and concerns. You need to find the answer to the gradually dwindling condoms.
A relationship needs to be built on trust in order for it to survive and you have to find out if your partner is trustworthy.
Additionally, when you are talking, you could say that when he has his kids over, it would be nice if he just gave you a cuddle when you come in from work. You understand his need to be with his children but that sometimes you feel invisible when they are there.
The only way you can resolve any of these issues is to talk to him. Do it today and leave the packing until you have some answers.
Good luck.
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