A
female
age
41-50,
*LLUF
writes:My boyfriend and I were together for 8 months... we were always together. Not only was he my best friend but the love of my life. The more time we spent, I noticed that he was insecure... I could see he needed someone to tell him often that they loved him etc. So I did. I spent most of my time with him, but when I did something on my own- dinner with friends etc. he would get upset... especially if we wanted to go to a sports bar etc. He is jealous... and said he did not like me going to happy hours etc.So- this went on for about 2 months--- where I tried to keep my life and be with him. Finally, one night I went to dinner and out with my best friend and he freaked out. I told him his behavior was over-the-top... and I didn't want to deal with this problem anymore. I am so in love, so happy when we are together... I could not have been more excited to run home to him after work... and would rather be with him than my friends--- but I felt it was important to keep my outside relationships too. I broke up with him and said it was not working if he did not trust me.I got all my stuff out of his house and left and we said good bye. He called two nights later and said this was not my fault and he loved me... he drove over my house and we talked for awhile. I said that I loved him. The following day, he said he needed his space- that we were not meant to be... and he wanted to take a break for now.I wanted him to say- I'll work on it- and I cannot live without you. He did the opposite. I made a commitment to myself not to call or contact him--- even though I feel like I cannot breathe, eat, and cannot stop thinking of him. A few days later, he called--- at 1:30 am in the morning and said- he needed to know I was ok- and hear my voice--- that he felt lost and could not stop thinking of me. I tried to keep the converstaion light and not serious. We talked for 2 1/2 hours. I love him and cannot imagine my life without him in it... yet he was so insecure that he was trying to control when I was not with him... I am so scared--- to not be with him, yet--- I don't want to wait to have my heart broken all over again--- even though I ended it- I did not want it to be over--- I love him... so I am not sure what to do... do I call him--- do I wait--- I am lost. Please any adive would help... thanks!
View related questions:
a break, best friend, broke up, insecure, jealous Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2007): Wow. Your boyfriend sounds exactly like my ex. And you sound a lot like me. Just out of curiosity, does your bf talk about moral stuff, about how he would never do this or that? HOw he just wants to settle down and he doesn't like parttying, he's over that? Well, one thing I learned about my very jealous and controlling ex is that he turned out to be a hipocrate. You see, he too drove me away because of his jealousy. I mean I was just wanting to go out for a bite with friends, or to the mall, whatever. I am very faithful and I loved him dearly. But in his eyes it was me potentially cheating on him. At that point I didn't understand his reasoning, but ok. But he was too jealous. It turned me off.
Eventually I left. And of course he kept calling and missing me (often in the middle of the night). He had even told me that if I thought about being with someone else only a few months after breaking up that that would be so wrong of me (I retardedly agreed). A few months later I missed him so much and since he had tried to keep contacting me I figured my return would be welcomed. Well it was very welcomed. But I just had a feeling something was up. So I asked him if he had been with someone else or met someone else. He said no. (We had been SO close so he knew he could be honest with me).
Well I started snooping through his phone (whatever!?) while he was at work and I found these phone calls to random numbers made at 4 in the morning. I called them and it turns out it was an escort service!!!! All that shit he talked about morality?? pffff.
FUCKED UP!!!!! All I am saying is that guys who are EXTREMELY jealous is usually because they themselves are SCUMBAGS!!!!!! So they are projecting their own behavior on to you. And that is why they are insanely jealous. Be careful. This guy is BAD NEWS. I have no doubt in my mind about this.
A
female
reader, AskEve  +, writes (21 August 2007):
 Communication is the key here. You both need to sit down and have a good heart to heart. Tell him exactly what you told us here. You love him so much and cannot imagine your life without him but he's got to learn to trust you! Reassure him that although he is the most important person in your life your friends are important to you too and you don't want to lose them. Let him know you will always remain loyal to him but both of you need your own space too, that way you'll look forward to seeing one another again. On occasions you could even ask him to go out with you and meet up with other friends who have partners. That way he can get to know them better.
So call him, tell him you love him very much and want to meet up. Choose somewhere where you can talk without being disturbed. If you can reassure him and he can accept that he has nothing to worry about here but that you also need just a little bit of breathing space from time to time then it should be fine. If he can't accept your need for time alone on occasions then you may need to call it a day with him.
Eve
...............................
|
