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female
age
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anonymous
writes:What do you think of a man who is older, that had given me a promise ring this past December, and promised me that we would offically become engaged within 6 months, and would be married shortly afterwards?A few weeks after this he told me "if" we get engaged. the first event was a promise and then it turned to "if". His grown up adult, immature children have a lot to do with keeping us from getting married, and he denies this, but i know for sure that this is the case. We have been dating for 3 and a half years. He keeps putting me off and i really got upset when he told me "if". What do you think i should do? I really love this man and he says that he loves me. I know that he is a good man, but if he loved me then no matter what - he would make my dreams come true. Please advise. Thanks
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2008): Sorry stupid me, I can't count, or spell, or draw... That should have read three choices of course... Well take care of you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2008): Ok, there are two possible answers, and it really depends on the ages of the people involved.
1) You are very young, around 18 and you are jealous of his children who are older than you and probably have more sense, because their aware of the difficulties that surround age gaps between the very young and the very old. SOLUTION; Don't feel angry, they love their father and are trying to protect him. Love him and be good to him, wait a little while (you are young and have time) they will realise you love him and will do everything in their power to see their father marry you. Wait until his kids come round, after two years, review the situation again.
2) You are older, in your 30's perhaps. You want to settle down with this man, you don't care about the age thing it's not an issue at your age. You can hold your own against his kids, you want to tell them to take a hike, cause your old enough and ugly enough to do what you need to anyway. Your tired of young boys, and an older man with sense suits you better. You aint got time to wait cause you'd probably like to have children of you own. SOLUTION: Stick to him like glue, call a family meeting, draw a line, with him and you on one side and them on the other. Tell them you love him and have no intention of giving him up no matter what they say. Say you love them, just because they share part of him, and no matter what they say you intend to make him happy, share his family and stick beside him untill the day you die. Wait untill things are more secure before you ask for a wedding ring. A maximum of a years wait would be fair.
3) Your both an older couple and his children are used to see him settled and contented in the role of grandpa. SOLUTION: Your old enough not to care. You've probably had relationships, or marriages in the past. You know what happiness is and you best grab it with both hands. SOLUTION: Try to keep him busy with activities his never tried, both inside and outside the bedroom. Romance him like the greatest courtesan (mistress) in the world. Forget about marriage untill you have him under your spell. Cut his contact with his kids to a maximum of once a week. The wedding ring will follow soon....
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2008): I would love to know how old you are and hold old your partner is. I think this would have a strong influence on my advice, and therefore I am not able to answer your question until I know. Please update with further information.
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female
reader, jeena knows101 +, writes (28 June 2008):
If i sound rude i dont meen to but family comes first. Always. Think about this, if u two got married and the kids didnt like u they will try to make ur life miserable. I know Cuz i tried to do the same thing to my stepdad. But he started to hang out with me more and i realize how much he really is trying to be a good dad. Show those kids that u want to be a good wife and mom. Tell those kids u will never be able to replace thier mom and u know that. But still be good to them as if u were their mom.
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