A
female
age
41-50,
*andythemulk
writes:My boyfrien of 2 years and I moved in to help take care of his 70 year old grandmother and 91 year old great grandmother. Unfortunately, I am on my own pretty much entirely as his great grandmother has dementia and thinks he is the devil. Besides the fact that he's extremely hurt, hes been exiled to the garage apartment while I stay in the house and do the cooking, cleaning, changing of diapers and various other household duties.His grandmother is always complaining, micro-managing, double checking every thing I do and its making me insane!!!Can someone please offer some advice, or just an ear to vent to?Thanks.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (25 November 2008):
 Here's the National Council on Aging website:
http://www.ncoa.org/content.cfm?sectionID=308
You can also try typing in "council on aging" and your state or county or city to see what pops up locally too.
Here's the Alzheimer's Association's website.
http://www.alz.org/index.asp
One from the National Institutes of Mental Health
http://www.nia.nih.gov/Alzheimers/
I haven't looked at all the pages on these sites, I'm just trying to give you a place to start if you haven't been there already.
You could see if there's a support group for caregivers nearby, they could probably give you loads more tips and advice and help than me just saying 'pop in some earbuds'!!
Good luck and don't forget to take care of yourself.
One more thought, maybe your boyfriend could change his facial hair? Grow a beard if he doesn't have one, or shave it if he does, cut his hair, basically try to change his appearance and fool greatgrandma into thinking he's someone other than the devil.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (25 November 2008):
Hi, you are amazing for doing all that you have been! I have to give you both a ton of credit for trying to do what's right. It seems to me that you need some assistance in this; are you the only caretaker?
Check into your state's council on aging to see if there are some resources that could help you cope. Frankly, as you're not a family member, I'm amazed that you've wound up with all the dirty work. Are there any other family members that could help out? Or is it that they're all alone in the world and you're the last resort?
Let me see if I can find you some websites that can help you cope too. You need a break from this.
One more thing, at a certain point, it is okay to say that you just can't manage the care anymore. It's not sensible to make yourself sick or work yourself to death when there are places that are equipped to help people with dementia.
And maybe for tomorrow, you could just pop in some earplugs and tune greatgrandma out, while smiling brightly at her. Can you hide some ipod earbuds in your hair and listen to calming music instead of the kvetching?
I'll be back with some websites for you. And kudos again for your selflessness.
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