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female
age
36-40,
*ropicana
writes: I'm in the most ridiculous situation me or any of the people I know have been in dealing with relationships ...Almost a year ago I randomly met a guy, through friends, who I instantly clicked with. We ended up sharing a kiss, and I was thrilled until he said, "I'm sorry ... I have a girlfriend." His friend got my number and we began seeing each other in groups soon after. I assumed it was because his friend liked me, and I suppressed my feelings for him subconsciously because I knew he was in a relationship. We remained just friends, yet there was always tension. But he began calling me and flirting more and more with me, and only a month or so after we met, he confessed that he had uncontrollable feelings for me that were so strong. I reminded him of his first true love, I connected with him on so many levels, I understood him more than his girlfriend, etc. I agreed that my feelings were too strong to ignore.Unfortunately, soon after he confessed I ended up staying over at his house after a night of drinking. His girlfriend came home randomly in the morning and found us in bed together - although nothing more than making out happened. He wanted to break things off with her, but didn't know how since they had been together almost two years and he still cared. Eventually, he did, and two weeks later we were officially together.We were together 6 months when he admitted he wasn't over her completely. He said he wouldn't end things with me, though. A month later, he did, so he could evaluate who he wanted to be with. During the three months after he broke up with me, he was leaning mostly toward me, knowing and admitting he was jealous because she was moving on and she was a very "attractive" girl.He couldn't ignore his feelings for her, but he didn't want to give us up because he was still in love with me as well and our relationship was very good.This week, after spending time with her at a friend's wedding, he told me he has to try it with her again, although he tells me he "isn't giving up on me" and "I can't tell him if they didn't work out, I wouldn't take him back."I know she's a sweet, nice girl but also very unsure of herself and in need of someone to control her, which he does a good job of. I'm independent and opinionated, which he told me he loved/loves still. I believe he's scared of being with someone as strong as him.I know and his friends know he's making a mistake; that it's doomed from the beginning because he cheated and the relationship won't grow and hasn't changed. I want to warn him before they are officially back together, but should I let him make his own mistakes? He still loves me and I am still deeply in love with him and can't bear to see him throw away our good relationship for one that failed in the past.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Big boy +, writes (12 January 2007):
 Sticky situation indeed, all you can do is to speak to him and tell him how you feel about him. That’s all you need say to him, don’t go telling him that you feel that the idea of him getting back with his ex is a wrong idea and all that because you would only end up digging a hole for your self. Express your feelings that’s all you can do, if you love him that much you, let him realize things for him self and then come to you if that happens your relationship would be a good one. Always let him come to you if you love don’t say prove it. There are two people involved in his life let him pick one, the other girl has been with him for 2years he can’t just wipe her off his mind she would always be there, with time it would die off, just have patience, just express your love for him and let him see that your truly into him, know that his ex has a place in his heart it should not boarder, with time it would clear of even give him his space when needed to clear things of. Be patience he would come around.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2007): Should you let him make his own mistakes? I think he already is. And there's not a thing you can do to stop him. He's already said he wants to try the relationship with his ex again and yet, he's trying to keep you on a string, just-in-case. Guess you'll be the back up in case girl A. bombs out again. This is one confused guy. I'd say, cut him loose and find someone who is more stable and knows what he wants. He likes you both but sooner or later, he's going to have to choose one of you and stick with it. I'm just not sure he really can because I'm not sure he knows himself well enough to know what he wants. Do you really want to be left dangling on a string hoping you'll be picked? I think not. You sound like a smart, strong woman. Find someone like yourself and you'll be happier in the long run.
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