A
female
age
,
*rchidsonly
writes:The guy I am with is 17 yrs younger. But we had at times a great relationship. He is very reliable and I believe he loves me. but we have a huge problem. He had a bad childhood,(dad married his girlfriend when he was 16, helf sister had control of him and I do not know why, now he dad is married to his moms sister). anyway, it seems like his family wants me out of the pic. They have began to invite his x wife to all family functions and act like I should be ok with it. they know this causes Us problems, I have let them all know. He will now stand up for our relationship and tell them let her go or let us go. I do not enjoy being around his x or mine. Then he gets bery abusive to me. chocking me, throwing me on tables, twisting my arms, hands etc. it is everytime he is around his half sister. I want someones that does not know us to give me their opinion. I have rhumotoid arthritis, fibromyalgia, narcolepsy, and this stress is killing me. I talked with his pastor and he said as long as he is around his half sister he will never be ok. He needs to forgive and move on and not be around her. I have no idea what this means. But he and I are apart now, but i love him and miss him and believe if he would turn his back a walk away from this crazy family and get therapy he would be great. he also drinks beer alot. Says it makes him keep his sanity. Let me know what you think
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2009): I read your post with dismay. I feel strongly that you are in some way trying to 'save' this abusive man. "If only he would give up xxxx" "If only he would get help...." etc. What you need to understand is that you cannot solve his problems and if he is not prepared to do it himself then you owe it to yourself to walk away and stay away. His abuse of you both mentally and physically is in no way acceptable and in addition your health is directly affected by stress and trauma. Understand that some situations, for your health and sanity, are too complex, too painful and too challenging and, essentially, are not worth it.
A
female
reader, keepitreal03  +, writes (3 April 2009):
The way he puts his hands on u is not right! It doesn't matter who is around or if he's upset or has issues your making excuses for him. His family is a little crazy dating wise but your dating him so he shouldn't be acting out and hurting u because of his own issues. Everybody has problems and he should hit u. Its very immature and u said they keep bring his ex around..do u mean the girl his dad married when he was 16?? If so that's more for his dad not him. His dad married her his step mom. Why would that bug u. She's nasty and u shouldn't let her get to u. That was so long ago they don't have anything that special that u should be jealous of.
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