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female
,
anonymous
writes: I have been with my boyfriend now for almost 2 years and his parents just do not accept me. We started out in a long distance relationship in Nov. 2004 and more than a year later, we both made the decision that one of us would move. I was the one who moved as he only a year left in college and too much would've gone into him moving closer to me. The day he picked me up for my move, he confessed that his father did not approve of me and told him he was wasting my time. This hurt of course but my boyfriend said he still wanted me to move and that he wasnt going to let anything or anyone break us apart. After 4 months now that I'm living here in a different state far from home, my boyfriend is now rethinking the situation. At first it seemed as though his family was really starting to open up however they constantly watched my every move. His oldest sister in particular watches every thing and makes sure she points out anything negative to him. This annoys him and it bothers him as well that I in turn get hurt by this. Recently she asked him what I felt about him wanting to move away to obtain a Master's degree. He told her that I got upset because it would mean that he'd move away after I had already made a move but that I support his decision. They were only feelings that I expressed and at no time did I demand that he stay. In the end he knew I would back him up and wait for him. She however got really upset about me being upset that she then told her parents and now they have all decided that I am not good enough for him. The main reason they reject me is because I did not complete college. I have not given up on my education and my boyfriend has mentioned this to them but still I am not liked for this reason. I am not even allowed in their home any longer. I believe they feel that Im going to be in the way however I wrote his sister an email and to clear up any misunderstandings about his education and to let her and the parents know that I wont stand in the way. She forwarded the email to my boyfriend but never responded to me. I dont know what else to do. I am 25 and I've lived on my own since I was 18. My boyfriend is only a year younger than me but I feel as if Im in a high school relationship. My boyfriend is feeling torn by all of this and has already told me that he is thinking that maybe we shouldn't be together. I dont want to lose him. I feel very lost.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2006): This sound like a very unloving home full of dischord. What an unhealthy and unsupportive environment to be raised in. It sounds like his family has jealousy towards your boyfriend as they are unhappy in his happiness and with how bright his future looks. How scary is this?
I think you answered your boyfriends question honestly and fairly and they are reading into it to find "evidence" to enable their abuse and distrust against you. Not good.
I would tell him that you love him and you know he loves you. I would tell him that a good and loving relationship that is constantly under attack from his family will eventually crack under the stress. Tell him that you feel so many cracks and the both of your love giving to the relationship is under sever threat and you fear the falling apart and crumbling and you don't want that to happen.
Tell him you know how it is to be re-thinking the relationship but do not doubt my love for you and us-I want us to overcome this and be able to be happy and in love with one another but this is under threat because of the unsuppportive and destructive attacks of his family.
Tell him that you want couples counselling...the counselling will help you both to see how you can fix and strengthen your relationship.
I understand how it is to feel lost and alone and like no one understands and loves you. *hugs*
Please gets some individual counselling for yourself so that you can get back your strength...you have taken a beating for two years...you need a listening ear and support.
You will be able to think clearer and believe in yourself and then can make a good choice.
Best of luck Sweetie. Hang in there.
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