A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hey everyone!I'm a total mess right now and in a desperate attempt to seek advise I'm here.I was in a very serious relationship with a man for a year and half.I met his family,we were thinking of marriage planning kids and then all of a sudden he dumped me.Why?because of an external factor.My aunt(dad's sister)married a man who was involved in underworld and lots of crime,shot dead when I was barely 6 years old. Now because of this connection my boyfriends family is not accepting me or my family.I'm a working independent woman yet they think we don't match their status in the society!When he left me the first time I started talking to him again with a hope he'd take me back and when he did not he left me again and this time I cut him off only to receive messages from him that he misses me and wants to talk.After 2 weeks of him messaging me I reply back because it's obvious I want us to work too and he didn't seem to have anything planned as to how he would convince his parents.He was just guilty how he dumped me for no reason when I finally convinced him to meet my dad as a friend he did and that went well and he said he needs time and then he said he wants to leave and after talking back and forth he said he will talk to his dad(who will enquire about my family thru a common friend and then decide)which is very shameful for my family considering my dad's reputation is being cross checked.But i told him to go ahead and enquire,I've been trying to talk to him about other things so he takes his time like he asked for and talks to his dad but since he has gone back on his words so many times and has left,i know I'm in for a heart break but a part of me still wants to believe he will make it work and won't forget our love.Im talking to him normally now because I want him to realise how we were and what we were but yet again it's me trying and trying.WhaT do I do?How do I save myself before I'm broken hearted?please advise Reply to this Question
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (28 October 2016):
 I remember your first post about this, it is the same thing happening again, which leads me to see that it really is never going to change. You cannot force them to like your family, and you cannot force him to choose you over his parents opinion. Sweetie if he loved you enough he would not care about your families past. He is messing you around and prolonging your hurt. Enough is enough. Stop allowing him to hurt you over and over again.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2016): Leave the guy. If he's so shortsighted that he's allowing something beyond your control to effectively end your relationship - why do you want to be with him anyway?!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2016): I also like to mention that what my aunt and uncle did was over 15 years ago and the people involved no longer alive or paid for the crime.Everyone now including my aunt is settled with her children and is happyzBut why am I suffering for something that I have not even done.My dad is a respectable man and has earned a place for himself in the society and it's very unfair to punish me for that.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2016): So I just want to know that he leaves me for this is okay?All I requested him to do is make the families meet once so that they can talk about this and put all the concerns on the table.I just don't want to let go of him because of this,I want him to try.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2016): I'm so sorry, sweetheart! Such family-connections as you describe are quite scary. It's not that they don't think you're good enough; it's the criminal connection through your uncle in your family history that frightens them.
I think he and his family should be concerned. Your aunt has inadvertently tainted the reputation of your family by connecting them to someone who was directly involved in serious criminal activity. His family must be careful for their own safety; and consider how such ties to your family in the past may effect their standing and reputation within their own community. It's a parent's nightmare! No telling who might show-up from the past unexpectedly, or why!
If your aunt didn't know about your uncle, she placed everyone in peril! If she did, that's guilt by association; as far as law enforcement is concerned. That is usually the general consensus held within the community at large. It may cause people to distance themselves from his family. He has to take all this into account. It's not just about the two of you. It may affect everyone.
Sometimes love prevails. Keep it in mind, that when families merge; they take-on all the good things and the baggage that is a part of your family-history. That will include your family's present standing within their community. Look what you were around at the tender age of 6!
Public opinion can be quite cruel and judgemental. A murder tied to the underworld, can't be easily dismissed; because you're talking about organized-crime! It can reach everywhere and anywhere. You can't just shrug that off! The public suspicion will always hang over your family whether they may also be connected in some way, even if they aren't.
Bringing something like that so close to my family, would definitely be a deal-breaker for me. I think he might be right to be cautious.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2016): Why do either of you care what your families think? It's your lives to live and if you care so much about each other that you want to spend those lives together, then to hell with what your families think.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2016): Keep him as a friend if you can with no expectations . If he really wants you .. then nothing .. no past will hinder him .
If he cannot see how wonderful you are then his loss and your heart will mend and you will find someone who doesn't see you as someone to hide away .. people who make us secrets never work out .. sorry sweetie .. x
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