A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:What’s going on with me I’m so paranoid over something that he promised I’m not and I cant get over the stuff that his grandma said about me that if I were young it would be different but now I’m older and she thinks I’m bad and am going to do something when we are alone. What’s wrong with this picture his family doesn’t like me and I don’t know why they have no reason not to like me and I need to know why they don’t. Do they not trust me or don’t believe i'm right for him? What should I do about this? Should I ignore them like he says should I say something to someone who can help me? What should I do I don’t know what I can do I need help and I don’t know who to turn to what can I do? I need some help and I don’t know who I can ask about it. His sister hates me with a passion and so does her boyfriend but only because she does. His grandma doesn’t trust me alone with her grandson. His uncle stares at me and creeps me out. And I get him in trouble with his mom all the time. What can I do I don’t want to break up with him and I don’t want it to show that i’m worried because that will just push him away and make things so much worse. What else can I do? I need some major help and I don’t know where to get it from. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2008): Jeez they sound like those people that live in the caravan in the 'Texas Chainsaw Massacre'. Re your first sentence, has 'Grandma' accused you of being a 'tart' or some such insult and has boyfriend re-assured you that 'no you are not, of course you aren't' or what??? (you know what some mothers and grandmas are like about ANY girl who goes within striking distance of their precious sons/grandsons) - what does that sentence mean. What does 'Grandma' think you are going to do to him when you get him alone! Or did you mean she thinks you are going to do something to HER when you are alone together?? Oh my God hun, I swear one day you will look back on this and peal with laughter. But ok hun, sorry! for now, i know it's not funny. Re "Grandma' bear in mind she is from a different generation and also bear in mind not all grannies are sweet with a heart of cold just cos they are older and look all cute in their twinsets and pearls (sorry that was a terrible stereotype but you know what i mean .... some grannies can be bloody vicious).I think it sounds like they are paranoid!! Has he had a bad experience with a previous girl and more to the point, have you sat and talked to him properly and asked him what this is all about?? I'm wondering if there is more to it - ie, some misunderstanding has occurred, or you have had some argument with them previously. The sister's boyfriend dislikes you, you say, purely because the sister has taken against you. I have to say this sounds too bizarre and I don't really get it. I swear there must be some more detail or context you could give for us to go on. Sorry if I sound unhelpful but they sound really strange!One thing, I will say though, is this: When people are funny with you and say nasty things about you, you cannot always take it to heart because you HAVE TO LOOK AT THE PERSON WHO IS SAYING THE THING - if a sound, decent, sensible, intelligent person is being constructively critical of you, you might concede that they have a point, or part of a point! However, if someone/of some people who is/are generally not a very good calibre person/s themselves are saying nasty things about you, you might want to consider how much you actually value their opinion?? It could be that unbeknown to you hun, you just got off on the wrong foot. It could be that they think you and him don't match/are not suitable - it could by ANYTHING, which is why you need to speak to him about it and he needs to speak to them about it and everyone needs to be reasonable and honest. Or it could be that they are just a bunch of bloody cretins who give everybody who is an 'outsider' a hard time. Obviously you need to be respectful of your b/fs family and if you want to stay with him long term, it would be ideal to have as good a relationship as possible with him but equally they have to make an effort too - you can't be expected to just bow and scrape to them whilst they treat you badly - it goes both ways. Why not meet up with him away from his house, go for a film or meal and stay out of their way for a while. Concentrate on strengthening and developing your relationship and trust with him and don't worry about them for now. You are very young and it can be quite daunting taking on a whole family of 'in-laws' never mind hostile ones. Talk to him in the meantime. Good luck - let us know how you get on xx
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2008): I have no idea what to tell you. I'm 28 and my boyfriend's entire family seems to dislike me for some reason. I have been nothing but nice to them, so I can't really figure it out. They compare me to his ex, who by the way treated him like crap, because I am always so quiet when I come over. I didn't realize they were expecting a song and dance! My boyfriend says that he loves me, wants to be with me and they can think whatever they want. He said that hopefully in time they will get to know me better, and things will get better. I don't really see that happening. So I just have to suck it up. Sometimes you just come across people that don't like you.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (1 March 2008):
 Just be yourself , be kind,gentle and helpful and in time they will change their views about you .
Remember, it is your b/f and not them but you need to treat them well even if they don't like you.
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