A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for almost two years and everything between us is great apart from the fact whenever I am near another guy, he goes off on one and tells the guy to save anyway from me. It doesn't happen all the time, but in the past few months it has become more and more. I have never cheated on him, nor would I. In the beginning of our relationship, my friends would tease me about a actor that I have a crush on but I had to ask them to stop because of my boyfriends jealousy. From what I understand about what he has told me, he has never been in a serious long term relationship with anyone before, and I know he finds it difficult that I am still good friends with one of my ex's, even though we went out through school and broke up not long after. He has never hit me or blamed me for anything, it's just embarrassing when he starts pushing guys away from me whether it be at the pub or at a friends house. I try to avoid going to places like the supermarket with him because he gets annoyed there. Once he even threatened someone because they were sat next to me while I waited to see a doctor. This guy was in his mid 40's I'd say and he was really shocked that some guy in his 20's was telling him he would break his legs if he didn't move.I'm scared I guess because I know my boyfriend would hit someone if they got too friendly with me. He has got into fights before and even been arrested once for disturbing the peace. He is like a different person when it's just me though, he never raises his voice or loses his cool.I don't want to break up with him at all but I can't take it anyone. It's like no one is allowed near me, and I don't get why.
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (1 February 2015):
 There IS no excuse for your BF's behavior and it's NOT OK to treat you like you are HIS property. I mean SERIOUSLY, you don't find it ABSOLUTELY wrong for him to threaten some DUDE in the waiting room at the doctor's office for sitting NEXT to you?
You avoid going shopping with him, SERIOUSLY? you are WORRIED about how he MIGHT act. What's next? You can't go out and have a pint with friends (unless he stays home), what's going to happen if you went on vacation and some poor schmuck look TWICE at you in your bikini? Or would you run around in a mu-mu so your BF wouldn't be upset at guys for noticing you?
There is nothing WRONG with you (except that you ALLOW this) - it's HIM. He thinks you are HIS *thing* and that YOU can't think for yourself or act for yourself.
You say you don't want to break up... So you are basically OK with this?, because you CAN NOT change this guy. YOU can tell him he needs to quit, and .. he might.. for a little while. THIS is who he is, and YOU are enabling this crap by "letting" him.
In time this WILL get worse. He will want to control not just WHO you see, but who you talk to, what you dress like, where you go... IT IS not healthy.
A
female
reader, WhenCowsAttack +, writes (31 January 2015):
You need to get away from him. He will stifle everything about you that makes you...YOU!
Is this how you want to live?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2015): By accepting his behaviour as it is, you are enabling him to continue in a way that is anti-social and potentially very dangerous, rather than taking actions which mean he has to confront his own instabilities and get help. His behaviour towards you will get WORSE not better - it WON'T magically disappear and it;s not about you gaining his trust or anything like that. He's got deep rooted issues to do with insecurity and no one in his life so far has challenged him to change it. Believe me, he will only become increasingly controlling of you and the temper that flares up when he feels threatened will start coming out in other ways too. He needs proper psychiatric help and/or counselling. Staying with him won't help either him or you.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (31 January 2015):
 He has issues with attachment, probably stemming from bad childhood or being the neglected, unfavored sibling. He feels his world would crumble apart if he loses you to all kinds of threat he imagines in the outside world. You can't reason with him.
I would not go out anywhere with him and tell him that his insecure, primitive behavior is not acceptable. He is only good for indoors, and you have to take it day by day, or until you are convinced that another guy is better for you. Anything practical or long term is not suitable because his mind is not stable.
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