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female
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*heotherkathy
writes: The man I am dating and plan to marry told me right after we met, that he would occasionally take his kids and exwife to dinner so as to let them know that both parents love them and that they can get along. I thought it was commendable that he kept such an open relationship with her for the sake of the kids. That was until she saw that he was happy and offered to have sex with him. He of course turned her down and she was stunned because she doesn't understand why someone would want to remain monogamous (which is why they are divorced...she lives with a married man but continues to have sex with other men and women). I trust him but I do not trust her and have tried to explain that to him. (I also think it's not wise to get the hopes of their children up but that's a different forum altogether) They went out again tonight and she just happened to show up after the dinner to "pick up the support check". I was livid because A. she will see him tomorrow when he drops off the kids B. It's a legal holiday tomorrow and the banks are closed anyway! What should I do? I trust him implicitly but don't trust her as far as I can throw her.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, kellyO  +, writes (3 January 2006):
 Dearie, i understand your worries and quite frankly i wouldnt trust his ex-wife too if i were you. I would trust him though if the main reason why they split off in the first place was due to her infidelity and he was open to tell u what she was up to, offering him sex!!
Well, this woman will always have a place in the children lives cos she is their mother and they obviously will have to see sometimes becos of the children sake. He isnt thinking about letting the children feel there is anything between them but to create a healthy environment for his kids whereby they see their parents together and can open up and discuss anything perhaps issue affecting the kid. His ex-wife on the otherhand, is trying to take advantage of this.
Since she is trying to manipulate the situation i would advise u to talk to ur husband and also involve urself somehow in the children lives and the visits. You two are planning to get married anyway and your part in his kids life is essntial too.
Goodluck
A
female
reader, mystify +, writes (3 January 2006):
 dont trust her... she dosent like anyone else with her ex and offering to have sex with him was just so wrong, their dosent have to be a lack of trust in your fiance to not want him to go out with another woman who offers him sex and is clearly very loose.
i dont understand why they are playing happy familys , it makes no sensemany children grow up with separated parent me being one of them and i think the messages i would get from seeing my mum with her new guy my dad with his new girl and they seeing my mum and my dad together would be unheatlhy messages it would seem foggy and confusing and undermines the new relationships
if they are staying friends and only friends then there is no reason why you and her new partner shouldnt be there.
i would ask that this stops for the sake of the kids and for the sake of your relationship
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