A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My .... ex? current bf?... I don't know what we are... we dated for a year,he cheated several times, I broke up with him and 6 months later we are seeing each other and acting like a couple. To him and his friends and immediate family, he introduces me as his girlfriend on my side, I'm keeping it in the DL because the majority of my friends will scold me for even talking to him... when we are together, we are like twins, we think the same and sometimes I'm thinking what he's saying.I have seen him change a lot that's the only reason why I am torn between giving up and fighting again. His ex texts him out of the blue almost by rule every 3 months when she gets drunk "Im sorry" "I'm sorry for everything" " are you at XYZ concert?". He either disregrads it or deletes it without answering back...This bugssssss the crap out of me and it makes me question why? why does she drunk text him? why doesn't he say anything like "I have a gf now?"... we got in an argument but he said "I deleted her message, you saw me ignoring it and deleting it, I don't have her phone, she has mine but i don't have hers, I don't know her instagram either, i deleted the message" but I know well if he wanted he could find her and she wouldn't know he deleted her message... why not tell her "you were amazing, things between us didn't work out but I'm cool with you, we both made mistakes, our time has passed, I've got someone and I dont want missunderstandings"...Am I wrong for being upset over him not standing up for us?
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all very very very much, your advice, comments and point of view have helped me to put things into perspective. I truly appreciate it :)
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (18 August 2017):
 He is standing up for you. Ignoring is the best way to go in dealing with people you don't want to talk to. He IS standing up for you, at least now. I can't say Im too enthusiastic about this guy since he's cheated on you several times already, and you're still going back to him. But in this case, he is doing the right thing. If he was writing to her what you suggested, omg, I would have thought he still had feelings for her and wanted to start seeing her again if he wrote such a thing. I think you're not seeing things clearly if you honestly think he should write to an ex that she was amazing etc etc. If I was hung up on an ex, and received such a message, I would instantly read it to mean that he still has feelings for me and wants to be friends and hang out, just behind the new chicks back. Be glad he has changed, as you say, and isn't writing such messages to her. What you suggest he writes is crazy. He's doing the right thing by ignoring her. She will eventually disappear.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2017): You can't trust him because he's a known cheater. So what would it matter what he does, when you know he has cheated several times? Even if he deleted the messages and told her to get lost in-front of you; he's a confirmed cheater, and you still won't trust him.
You made the decision to keep the guy. Now you've got to live with your decision. You should have let him go, based solely on the fact that he has cheated several times. The ex knows he has no credibility, and her purpose of calling out of the blue is to test you. It's also to test him. The relationship is as rocky and unsure as it ever was.
If he wanted her to stop calling him, he'd figure out a way; if your relationship meant enough to him.
She still has his number, and he apparently has never blocked her calls; nor has he changed his number, so she wouldn't know how to reach him.
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A
male
reader, judgedick  +, writes (18 August 2017):
 It is only you can work out if he is worth fighting for, and it has nothing to do with your friends, they only know part of the story,
I think why he does not give any response to his ex is because he knows her well and knows if he sends her the smallest message she will respond and any news is better than no news,
she knows you are his GF and that does not matter to her she wants him back when she is drunk and the day after her drinking she goes back to normal,
he is not responsible for her acts,
you need to be looking just at what he brings to your relationship
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A
female
reader, Sweeetcheeeks +, writes (18 August 2017):
I would say let it go unless she become more persistent. It sounds like he's just avoiding drama. Telling her off instead of simply ignoring it would certainly set off a chain of questions or remarks from her. And who knows, she might even regret it the next morning, wishing she wouldn't have moments of weakness. I assume you realize how a person could miss your boyfriend, seeing as you find him likable enough to partner up with. Can you blame her?
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